Page 106 of Pretty Obsessed

I never knew more of where Iris came from. Was I making the same mistake with Emory? Was I giving into something that would end in ruin and scandal? Where was the line between happiness and disaster? I needed a roadmap for fame, but there just wasn't one.

And if I was fighting all these battles, how many was Iris fighting?

"I should know better. I should fucking know better." He pushed his fingers into his hair. "I need a fucking line."

I grabbed his hand when he got up. "Let me come with you."

"You don't have to. It's your birthday and I know you don't approve."

"You know why I don't," I said, linking our arms and not letting him ditch me on the way to the bathroom.

People grabbed and jostled us. They were drunk and dancing. It felt like we were the only two sober people in the entire place.

We slipped inside and while he checked the stalls, I flipped the lock. Since this was the VIP bathroom, it stayed pretty empty from the rest of the club.

"It's clear." Iris slumped into the bench seat in the corner.

"Swanky." I picked up one of the cloth hand towels sitting next to bowls of condoms and travel-sized toiletries.

"You know these are only used for drugs. They want us to clean up after ourselves." He nodded at the sharps box and the needle vendor next to it.

"Is that…?"

"It's not for diabetes. They probably claim as much for insurance, but I've used similar a few times." There was no hesitation to his admittance. He said it so matter of fact it terrified me.

I felt more and more by the day, I'd lost him somewhere along the way while trying to keep my own head above water. Maybe that was the real issue with the band. We'd all sacrificed parts of ourselves and lost one another in the process. We were strangers now, trying to function as a group and it didn't work anymore.

"Do you still do that stuff?"

He eyed me over the metal cigarette case he poked through. "Do you want the real answer?"

"Yes." I did, even if it hurt. "I'm tired of not knowing you. I don't want to be a stranger anymore, Iris. I want the good, bad, and the ugly for both of us."

He pulled out a little baggy of white powder and the hairs on the back of my neck rose. "Deal, but only if you promise not to judge me. I can't take any more judgment. I'll give you where I am right now, and that's a fucking mess."

"I promise."

He poured a little bit above his thumb and snorted it like a pro. Or at least what I assumed a pro would look like. My only experience with harder drugs was movies and television.

"Can you really handle all of this with your—" He poured more coke on his hand but paused before bringing it to his nose.

"You're not him and I have to meet you where you are. You've been my best friend for a long time, and I know we got away from that, but I love you and I want to be supportive where you are. Which won't come with judgment or trying to force you into anything. I don't think Alexander and Cas trying to force you into rehab is going to do anyone any good." It was the person I wanted to be. Even if I'd struggle with knowing. I would carry it for Iris. I'd do anything if it helped him, and I truly believed he needed someone in his corner right now.

"It's all there. They want to check me into a facility upstate someplace day after tomorrow I think."

“Before the tour is even over?” I blew out my cheeks. "So, Alexander spent the better part of the last two years propping you up with drugs and now he wants to remove them?"

Iris did the second bump. “Yup, pretty much sums it up." He closed his eyes and swayed.

Every day, watching him put all the things in his system he did was like letting him slip through my fingers over and over.

"And Alexander doesn't know about you and Cas?" It had only just clicked.

"No, he has no idea. I haven't a clue how Cas convinced him." He slid the cigarette case into his back pocket, opening eyes so dilated he squinted and held his hand up to the dim green light. Grabbing his sunglasses, he slid them onto his face before leaning against the counter.

"Maybe you should tell him. Might change his mind." I put my hand over my jaw, trying to think.

"I think it would make it worse. He can lock me up and control the narrative if I leave the band over it." A half-smile formed on Iris' lips. "To be honest, I don't want to care. If they hadn't threatened me with contracts, I'd have left."

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