Page 152 of Pretty Obsessed

"Tell him— Tell him, I'm sorry."

"I will."

Cas walked out of the room, and I sunk to the floor, right there where I stood. I didn't have the energy to even walk to the sofa. I landed on my knees and lost it.

I grieved my best friend. The band. The future and our art. I screamed until my voice was raw. I beat my fists into the floor until I lost feeling in them. How was any of this fair? Why did addiction take so much from me? I couldn't stand for it to take one more person. I wasn't strong enough to handle it.

I picked up my phone, knowing I shouldn't ask the thing I was going to ask, but I needed someone to be here for me.

"Hello?" Emory answered.

"I need you." My voice raw, I wasn't sure he'd be able to decipher my words.

"I'll be right there." Emory didn't ask for an explanation.

"You'll miss your fight." I kept my voice even.

"Nothing is more important than this."

I don't know how much time passed, but he found me there, on the floor. He didn't say a word. He wrapped his arms around me and held me. He held me in the place I was at.

We moved to the bed at some point. He didn't ask or press. He tucked my face into his chest and drew on my back until I found sleep.

Consciousness returned to me as light filtered into the windows. I didn't move, trying to guess by the pattern of his breathing if Emory was still awake.

"Hey," I said, my voice raw.

"Good morning."

"I'm sorry." I pulled him closer, pressing my face into the spot I'd spent the night in.

"You're not allowed to be sorry." He rubbed his lips to my forehead.

"You should be on a flight. You have to meet your editor."

"I left her a message and told her I had an emergency. It will get sorted. Being here is more important."

"It doesn't make me feel less bad for asking it of you. I told you I wouldn't get in the way of your career."

"It's not the same. We all need someone to take care of us sometimes, River. It's an honor to be the one you called."

I hugged him tighter to me, understanding more of Cas' pain than even I'd realized last night. I was so in love with Emory. So in love, it physically hurt to be without him. The idea he didn't return those feelings ate me from the inside out.

I said none of it. "Thank you."

"Do you want to talk about it? Or shower, or…?" He didn't push, it felt easy.

"Iris left at some point while we were in bed and Cas blew up after you left." I didn't know how to process it all, which made it hard to reiterate.

"That asshole. He needs to lay off Iris."

I smiled, finding it endearing how protective he'd become over Iris. "I thought so too and then Cas said a bunch of stuff. I don't know if either of them is wrong anymore. Maybe there aren't any bad guys. They each see the world so differently, and they are both hurt and acting out. Not even purposefully, I don't think. They are reacting."

He listened and let me speak. Let it pour out. I told him everything Cas had told me. I told him how I thought Iris saw it. And I knew neither side was probably right.

"So what's going to happen?"

"I don't know. I don't know if Iris can come back, or what's best for him. I don't know how Cas will continue to handle being around him with the way he feels. It's all falling apart." Everything was. Emory would leave and I'd have to go back to trying to hold together the ocean with my hands. "Maybe it's time I let it go."

---