Page 62 of Pretty Obsessed

"I don't know, River. Do you want me to go with you?"

"You can't and I can't ask it of you."

"I can."

"Your book, Emory." He pressed his face into my chest.

I nudged my nose into his forehead until he looked. "Fuck the book. If you need—" I nearly said “me,” but what was I? His fuck buddy. I had no right to try and wedge my way in like I was anything more to him after our time here, but we felt like more. This felt more than casual. Maybe it was foolish to think our connection was more, but I'd offer anyway. Because if he needed it, I'd be there for him. "If you need a friend, River, I will come."

He closed his eyes. "Thank you. I wish you could, but even if you didn't have a book to finish, Alexander wouldn't allow it. He'll be meeting me wherever and he wouldn't want anything about Iris to get out. Even if I trust you, his loyalty is with the band and especially Iris."

He pressed back into my chest and I tightened my arms around him, letting the silence take us.

"I understand. I wouldn't want to intrude on Iris' privacy."

He didn't move, nor answer. I tried to hug the fear from him, as much as possible.

"Do you want me to get your things?"

"I don't know. I should but…"

"But?" I prompted, hating this helpless feeling that took me.

"But I keep freezing when I consider the worst."

"You don't think…" But maybe he did. How could I know?

"I don't know what to think. I don't like what Alexander didn't say. I don't like that it was him who called. I don't like thinking he might have accidentally…" He pulled away, turning around and putting his face in his hands.

“If you need me—even if I can’t be near you, I’ll come down from the mountain so you can call…” I hesitated, not good with emotions and words and gestures. What was I doing? I'd never been good with these parts of friendships. It was one of the things ex-hole screamed at me as he packed his shit. He couldn't deal with the guy who could make everyone in the world feel with his words but couldn't express them. Fuck that. Ex-hole didn't deserve shit, but River deserved the entire world. I made myself wrap my arms around him from behind.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this." He shuddered through a breath and I squeezed him tighter.

"Don't you dare be sorry. You aren't allowed."

"We should be on top of the universe and we're all miserable in our own ways.” He laughed and shook his head. "I don't want to face it. Even if he's not— It's bad enough to make me leave. We aren’t scheduled to be in Japan yet. I have to assume the worst.”

I pressed my lips to the back of his neck, listening.

"I have to get ready to go. Alexander will probably have a plane waiting for me to get back to Chicago."

I nodded, releasing him. "It will be quicker that way. What about your car?"

"It's a rental. I’ll leave it at the airport and let him handle it.” He pressed his palms into his eyes, walking towards his backpack, hiding his damp face. He held so much back, carried too much.

I leaned against the counter, watching him throw the few things he'd brought in the bag before looking around the space. Eyes puffy and red. My heart ached.

"Let me come with you. At least for the plane ride? So you don't have to be alone."

His eyes finally met mine, hitting me with a wave of sorrow, like it bled from his skin. "No, you can't."

"What can I do, River?" I nearly begged.

“I can’t ask you for anything.” He scrutinized me. Staying silent with his lips pressed into a line. He held back. Whatever he wanted, his lips were like a dam keeping it back.

"Please, what can I do?”

"Promise me you'll come to see me when you're finished here," he whispered. "I know it may be weeks, but I like whatever this is."

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