Page 45 of Fall Apart

CLAY

SHE’S EVERYWHERE

The soundof the snow crunching under my feet and Ani’s collar ring in my ears on our morning run. But it’s not enough to block out the sounds of Lizzy flooding my thoughts, whimpering and moaning my name last night.

Fuck. She was amazing. Those eyes. That bratty mouth. I can still fucking taste her. I’m half tempted to run back to the house right now and get back in bed with her. The sight of her, sleeping so peacefully this morning, was nearly enough to keep me in bed if I wasn’t so obsessed with keeping my routines. But that wasn’t just some random hook up. That was someone I know, someone in my life. Someone I can’t hide from. Someone with strings.

After another lap, I run back up the hill towards the house, still trying to clear my head. I was just being a good friend. I was there and she needed me. Is that whatfriendsdo? That didn’t feelfriendly.Jesus. I’m fucked up.

But that can’t happen again. I can’t let someone else get close to me and burn me.

When I walk inside, Lizzy is nowhere to be seen. Good. She must still be asleep. I walk through the kitchen, noticing her purse and keys are still on the counter. My hand twitches at the sight, but she did manage to hang her jacket and put her shoes away.

What is wrong with me? When did I really get this bad about being a neat and tidy control freak? Lizzy had an absolutely shitty day yesterday, was in tears when she came home, and all I can think about is that her keys and purse weren’t put away.

See? This is why I don’t let people in my space. This is why I’m alone. Me and people don’t mix.

I grab her things and walk back towards the door, hanging them with her jacket.

I head back to my room to grab a shower. I need to get my shit together and a cold shower usually helps me process things. I stand under the water, finally catching my breath and clearing my head.

I’m right - that can't happen again with Lizzy. I’ve been losing my focus too much. The whole reason I’m in this mess is because I got distracted at work and forgot to change out the propane tanks. I’m letting my feelings and my own needs get in my way.

When I’m emotional, I lose focus and control.

When I lose control, I make mistakes.

And when I make mistakes, people get hurt. I get hurt.

When I walk backinto the kitchen, I head to the coffee maker to turn it on for Lizzy.

“What the…?” I stop in front of it, noticing it’s already on. I turn and look towards the living room and see Lizzy, already on her yoga mat, stretching with Ani lying next to her on his bed. She’s glowing, all smiles, no traces of the distraught mess she was when she came in last night. And seeing Ani so calm and relaxed with her, tears at a place in my chest I’m not used to feeling anything in.

“Morning.” She rolls over on her mat, facing me, propping herself up on her elbow, her hair already pulled back in that perfect ponytail.

“Hey,” I manage to say gruffly. I don’t know where to look. She’s wearing another matching yoga outfit with a low cut cropped tank. Seeing her bare stomach and her tits propped up, the ones I painted in cum last night, makes my dick twitch in my sweats.

I make my way over to my chair, sitting next to her.

“Quiet and shy is a funny look for you.” Her voice is light and playful as she flicks one eyebrow at me.

“Yeah.” I grab the back of my neck. “So are we-”

She cuts me off me off before I can even ask the question. “Relax, Clay. We’re cool. We’re adults. We’re allowed to fool around. Needs and urges, blah blah blah.”

“But it can’t happen again.” I say, trying to look confident in my words, even if my dick and heart say otherwise.

She nods and rolls her eyes, sarcastically. “Yes. Even if it was good. Likereallygood.” She winks before reaching out a hand towards me. “Still friends?”

A sigh of relief comes free from my chest followed by a light chuckle. I reach out, shaking her hand, doing my best to hide the way her touch lights a fire in me. “Yep. Friends.”

“Good.” She looks at me softly, still holding my hand. “And thank you for the book, for knowing it was my birthday.”

I shrug. “It was nothing.”

That tender smile weakens for a split second, but I saw it. I know it wasn’tnothingto her.

Her lips curve into a mischievous smirk and before I realize it, she catches me off balance and yanks me out of my chair, pulling me onto the ground beside her.

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