Page 47 of Fall Apart

I head to my en suite bathroom, glad to have at least one room in my house that won’t remind me of her, minus the smell of her shampoo. After taking out my contacts and putting on my glasses, I finally make it to my office. I start towards my bookshelves, but something on my desk catches my eye. Lizzy did a good job after I said totryand keep my desk clean, but there’s one stray sheet of paper with some bubbly, girly handwriting on it.

I step over and read it. Most of it is lost on me, but two lines jump out.GJF. Only under budget.

Standing there, I stare at the note. Come to think of it, I only get GJF invoices when our projects are way under budget. Funny, I nevercaught that before. Lizzy really is good at this stuff and something about that warms my heart. I know what it's like to be doubted, thinking you only have your job because of connections or appearances. Still, I’ll definitely have to talk to her about that.

I walk over to the shelves and grab the next book in theScales of Furyseries,the one I told Lizzy to start. I wonder how she’s liking it. I laugh, shaking my head. That reminds me I owe her something. I grab my phone, placing a quick online order, laughing the entire time. I walk towards my chair in the living room, setting my book down.

“Come on, Ani. I just finished cleaning up your mess from the other day.” He quirks at me curiously before hopping up and trotting over to me, mouth open and tongue hanging out like he’s smiling. It’s almost like he forgot he left a trail of chunks of silicone around the house. I pat him on the head, flopping his ears around, making him flick his head to get me to stop. A chuckle rumbles in my chest again. “Still can’t believe you did that. Now come on, let’s go outside.”

Ani bolts out the door the second I open it, clearly needing to burn off of some pent up energy. I feel you, boy.

I stand on the edge of the front porch, grabbing a ball to throw for him after he looks back at me. We play toss for a bit and I finally start to feel like myself again, getting back into my normal routine.

The last fewhours of peace and quiet were exactly what I needed. I got my stretching in and read almost half of my book. I enjoyed a couple glasses of bourbon and a light dinner by the fire in my chair. This is my routine, what I like, what I thrive in.

I do better when I’m by myself.

Or maybe, at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself for years. It’s what I’ve let others convince me for years.

Could I actually be happy with someone in my space, in my life, all the time?

Could I still be focused and successful and not make terrible mistakes?

I think about that electric feeling, being so close to Lizzy on the floor stretching the other day. Could I have that feeling?

I pour another glass of bourbon, rubbing my thumb over the rim of the heavy rocks glass.

No, that’s not how my life works.

My pityfest is interrupted by the sound of the garage door opening.

I sigh and mumble to myself. “Right on cue.”

I hear keys rattling on the other side of the door from the kitchen to the garage, followed by it opening.

“Come on, Ani. Let’s get to bed,” I call to him from my chair, hoping to avoid Lizzy tonight and give myself a little bit of space to focus. To my surprise, he ignores me and runs to the kitchen door, just out of my sightline.

“Oh, who’s a good boy?” Lizzy coos at him. “I found something for you today.”

Little traitor.

I hear something thud on the floor and paper shopping bags rustling, followed by Ani’s collar jingling.

Lizzy’s gasp cuts through the room. “Oh my god, it’s perfect. You’re a stud, Ani.”

At that, I stand up, walking her way with my glass. I’m stopped in my tracks when Ani runs up to me, wearing a sweater. He stands in front of me, mouth wide open and spinning in excitement. Surprisingly, it fits him perfectly. But when I look closer, I notice thepattern. It’s the same southwestern wool pattern of the throw blankets in the living room and his dog bed.

My head whips over to Lizzy, whose smile is so warm and proud while she watches him run up to me.

“You dressed my dog?” I ask, my tone way less grateful than it should be, still shocked by the gesture. I fold my arms across over my chest, shaking my head and glaring at Ani. He looks happier, much happier than the mood I’m in right now.

She gets down on her knees, patting her thighs to get Ani to come back to her before looking back up at me.

Fuck me. Lizzy on her knees, those sparkling blue eyes looking up at me, is the stuff of dreams. I feel my throat bob and my mouth go dry. She smirks back up at me like she can read my mind. Hell, she probably can. It always seems like she’s in my head.

“I saw it and it was cute.” She rubs his shoulders, prompting him to roll on his back for belly rubs from her. Seriously. That little traitor. He is definitely not helping me keep distance. “Besides, he’s growing on me now, even if he chewed up my favorite toy.” She looks up and flicks her eyebrows with a knowing smirk before standing back up.

Yep. She can read my mind.

---