Page 67 of Fall Apart

She takes a sip of her coffee and shrugs a shoulder. “Could say the same thing about you. Not used to having someone up and around as early as me.”

I walk past her at the island to the fridge, grabbing the two cans of nitro cold brew I picked up at the store yesterday and set them out on the counter.

V gives me a curious look and I realize what I’ve just done.

“Figured she’d need her coffee if she’s going to get first chair with you guys today. Kind of forgot how militant you are about that.” I grab two pint glasses from the open shelves and pour our coffees. I tilt my chin and point to her drink. “Speaking of coffee, did you already go out and get one from Dutch Sisters up the street?”

She nods and takes another sip of her coffee. “You know me. It’s not quite as good as a Cowgirl Coffee Honey Badger, but it’s pretty close.”

“I haven’t had one of those in forever. Finch in Park City is pretty good though.”

I grab the two cold brews and head to the island, sitting down next to V. With as much time as we spent with the Perry twins growing up in Jackson, she’s always kind of been like a sibling the same way Collin is. But knowing Lizzy now, I can see why they’re such good friends.

“So what are you getting up to today?”

“Going to take Lizzy her coffee first, then head out and fish with TJ.” I take a sip of my drink. My mind drifts off when I remember what Lizzy’s lips taste like after she’s had her morning coffee. I shake my head, trying to get my mind back on track sitting here with V. “But I’ll be around when you guys get back. I’ll definitely hang with you tonight.”

“Your sister’s nuts, dude.”TJ’s voice cuts across the sound of the rippling water in the river.

A laugh rumbles from my chest and I cast my line out into the water. “Tell me something I don’t know. She’s always trying new health trends."

“I about leapt out of my skin when she jumped off that rock over there into that swimming hole.” He tilts his head towards a large boulder and deep pool along the bank behind me.

A few minutes pass and I enjoy the sound of the water, thinking about how Tanner and I would do this with our grandpa in Jackson on the Snake River. It ran right behind the cabin that Tanner lives in now and we spent so many spring and summer days fishing.

“Glad it worked out that I was here when all of you came to town. Looking forward to showing you how the rest of the house turned out.” I turn to see him looking at me and I nod.

“Looking forward to it.” I remember what we originally talked about when we first started working on the plans. It’s a bigger version of my house with an upstairs loft plus two more bedrooms on the first floor. One of the garage bays was repurposed into a soundproof studio. I know he has other places too, like his house in Jackson.

I find myself thinking that these are massive houses for just one person, even one as wealthy as him. I think back to my house and how it just feels different with Lizzy there. I’ve loved my space, my peace, and quiet and order for so long. But the last month with Lizzy there, it just feels warmer, more like home than it ever has. From her yoga mats in the basket by the fireplace to her used coffee cup collection on my counter to her notes on my desk in my office. It all just feels right.

No, I definitely don’t think this is where I want to be ten years from now. I don’t want to be alone. For once, I don’t mind that someone is there. For once, I want someone to be there. I want her there.

CHAPTER 30

LIZZY

WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

After V draggedus out of the house this morning, we managed to get first chair just like she wanted. I sayus, but Tanner and Grace were already awake and eating with V by the time I got down to the kitchen this morning. So it was just me holding things up, as usual.

Sorry, not sorry. She knew what she signed up for asking me to come.

Having Clay bring up my morning coffee definitely helped though. I don’t know what came over me last night, but I felt restless without him in bed. It was about to be the first time in weeks we didn’t fall asleep in each other's arms. And as we got to the slopes and skied our first runs of the day, all I could think about was how much better I slept with him holding me last night, in those big, muscular arms I can’t look away from. I remember the comfort I get when he holds my hands in his rough, callused ones.

Now I’m sitting next to V, Tanner, and Grace on the chairlift. We’re going up for one last run before lunch when I look down at my gloved hand and remember what that comfort feels like - what he feels like. I’m thinking about the spark, that tingle of electricity I felt when he handed me my coffee this morning when our fingers grazed each others. The feeling I get every time I see him, every time he touches me.

Watching V and Tanner, I see the way they laugh and bicker and make each other smile. It wasn’t that long ago that she was a burnt out mess. Now I watch the way she nuzzles into him and rests her head on his shoulder. Is that what I look like when I’m with Clay andit’s just the two of us? Because it feels like I’m in my own little world with him where I can just let my guard down and just be me.

I don’t know what this is yet. But I’m glad I have him and only him in my life. I know I want to see where this could go, even if I’m not sure I’m ready for more.

While I try not to spiral about that revelation, I hear the sound of the chairlift reach the top terminal, bringing me back to the moment. The safety bar raises, I pull my goggles down and I slide my poles out from under my thigh before we ski off the lift, heading towards the trail map at the top.

V stops in front of the big map and props her goggles on top of her helmet while the rest of us circle around her.

“Alright. How does a nice easy groomer run sound to get us back to the main lodge for lunch?”

As much as my workouts with Clay have been helping, I rarely ski as many days in a season as I have this year. Between the Jackson trip, Aspen Valley trip, and the few spring days in Utah, my legs are beat at this point in the day.

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