Page 83 of Fall Apart

I open the middle drawer, noticing all of her stuff in a chaotic mess of pink and pastels.

I sigh and start grabbing each piece of clothing, folding it and packing it into her bag.

“You don’t have to pack my stuff.” I hear her over my shoulder.

I shrug. “It’s fine. I don’t mind. Just relax. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”

I look back at her, propped up on her elbow watching me from the bed in amusement. “Youreallylike being neat and tidy, don't you?”

Turning to face her, I cross my legs and lean against the dresser, folding a tiny t-shirt that feels like it should belong to a child in my hands. "Some habits are hard to break.”

She hums thoughtfully to herself. “When did that habit start? All the cleaning and hyper organization?”

I shift uncomfortably against the dresser, tightly folding the shirt and grabbing some leggings to fold. “Right after I tore my knee the first time.”

She sits up in the bed, looking at me more intently. “Why would that make you dothat?” she asks, pointing to the perfect little squares of folded clothes in her bag in front of me on the floor.

Taking a deep breath, I go back to that time, those months.

“Because I was being young and stupid. I wasn’t disciplined in my training back then. I wasn’t studying the conditions for each competition like I should have been. I was always distracted, not focused. I was just being careless.”

“Sounds like you were just being a teenager. Mistakes happen, Clay. I mean, you flooded my condo after all. I don’t hold it against you. Look where that got us,” she says with a wink.

I roll my eyes. “That was actually because I was too busy staring at your ass from the balcony and I forgot to swap out the propane tanks.”

Her eyes go wide and she laughs, briefly washing away my tension.

“We are definitely going to revisit that later.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “But seriously, mistakes happen. You were a kid. Don’t keep beating yourself up.”

I frown, feeling irritated and anxious like I do every time I think about this. “Yeah, well. My teenage mistakes had horrible consequences. Mr. Jensen helped me a lot after that first injury. Taught me how to stay focused, cut out distractions.”

A cute, amused laugh escapes her. “It sounds like he taught you to be a robot when you were just a kid.”

I scrub my hand over my face. “A kid whose mistakes got my mom killed.”

Any amusement in her expression is gone, instantly replace by disbelief. The shocked look in her eyes is one I know I never want tosee again. “What are you talking about? She died in a car accident. You weren’t even in the car.”

A shaky, ragged breath leaves my chest. I look down at my hands, my knuckles whitening as I grip the leggings I was folding. “It was my fault she was even driving that day. She was on her way to pick me up from my physical therapy appointment after getting Grace from practice, because I couldn’t drive.” I look back up at her, those blue eyes searching mine. “She should have never been there. Instead, we lost her and almost lost Grace. I was there waiting to get picked up outside and saw her car get t-boned by someone that was too busy to look up from their phone.”

I’ve never said this part out loud. “So yeah, I blame myself for my mom. I’d rather be a robot than make mistakes and hurt the people I love, or worse, lose them.”

She looks at me, pure confusion and anger in her eyes. “Clay, that’s horrible. I had no idea that you were there. But also, that’s bullshit.” She stands and walks towards me with that defiant, confident stride I admire. “I mean it, that’s complete bullshit. That was not your fault, period. You can’t control everything. Some shit just happens, but that’s life.” She grabs my hands, pries my fists open and takes the leggings from me. She sets them on the dresser before holding my hands in hers.

I freeze, looking into her eyes. A moment passes where I’m lost in them and I forget everything I was tense about.

A nervous, booming laugh rumbles from my chest, catching her off guard. She looks at me like I’m crazy. “What’s so funny?”

“I just poured myself out. I relived the worst day of my life and you calledbullshiton me,” I say between laughs. “Only you would do that with me. This is why I love you.”

She takes my hands, bringing them to her hips before letting go and hugging me. She breathes against my chest. “Please, don’t ever blame yourself for that again. That’s so messed up and unfair to you.”

I drop my head to hers, resting my chin on her soft hair. “You’re right. I won’t.”

Her eyes come back to meet mine, that defiant anger there. “You have nothing to apologize for. Remind me that if I ever meet Mr. Jensen, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind for turning you into a robot. He was your mentor, your idol, and that’s just so messed up to put all that on you.”

I shake my head, laughing at the idea of her getting in his face. But my heart also burns at the idea of someone sticking up for me, something I'm not used to. “Speaking of that, you might get your chance to do that sooner than later.”

She quirks an eyebrow at me. “Care to elaborate?”

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