Page 32 of The Last to Know

Standing up, Caz rubbed her arms, a sudden chill in the air sending goosebumps all over her body.

“All of it, but mostly the last part.”

“Caz, don’t you want to be part of the process?”

Caz turned away quickly, moving towards the wood burner and the opportunity to do something that would keep her hands busy, before she stopped and turned back to face Grace.

“I assumed coming into the room and holding your hand again was me being part of the process. I can’t put…in your…” She used her hands to make movements that had nothing to do with anything.

“Vagina?”

“Yes, that. I can’t be—” She grabbed a log and opened the door to the wood burner.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake. You’re a lesbian, you’ve seen dozens. Mine’s no different.” Grace laughed.

“Are you mad? Of course yours is different.” She dropped the log and picked up the brush and began clearing out the ash from the last time they’d lit it, which was weeks ago.

“You’ve seen me naked loads of times.”

“Getting changed! You taking your clothes off in the same room isn’t the same as me staring straight at your cooch, and then…then having to physically go where no girl has gone before.”

Grace laughed. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’myouridiot,” Caz reminded her.

“Yes, mine. We’re a married couple. You have every right to be staring into mycoochfor these purposes.”

Caz put her fingers in her ears. “La la la la la.” And left the room.

“Caroline! Where are you going?”

“Out and away from anything that makes me think about looking at your—”

“Fine, but get your head around it. I’ll start packing for this trip.”

It took twenty minutes for Caz to walk down to the river complex and cross the bridge into Bath Street. She liked it down here, this small area being a crossroads of sorts.

She and Grace lived in Banbury Hollow, which was one point that gathered at the river. Next to them was the town of Woodington on one side, Bath Street on the other, with another village, Amberfield, directly opposite on the map. But it was right here that they all congregated like a mothers’ meeting for lesbians and the artsy crowd, or those just wanting to relaxsomewhere quiet at one of the numerous eateries and bars that lined both sides of the river.

It was a vibrant and busy place all year round, and because of the bar, it was known for being the gay parade. She could recognise a lot of faces from the bar as she walked along the embankment towards Blanca’s. But her mind wasn’t on registering any smiles or hellos. All she could think about was Grace’s latest request because it had triggered something she hadn’t sensed was there before.

She was horny.

This past year had been amazing, more than she could ever have dreamed it would be, and Grace had been right, they were intimate with one another and the perfect partners in many ways.

They watched TV snuggled on the sofa. They comforted one another when one was upset. They held hands as they talked their frustrations through. There were kisses, nothing sexual, but always a kiss goodbye, a kiss hello, a thank you kiss, a ‘you’re adorable’ head kiss. In fact, they kissed all the time, didn’t they?

But never like lovers.

And in that entire time, Caz hadn’t thought about anything further. She’d sorted herself out when the need arose, just like she’d done for any other period of time she didn’t have a sexual partner.

Sex had never been the be-all and end-all for Caz. Chemistry and emotions were very much needed before she got excited about sex with anyone.

Other people’s sex parts were something special, not to be gawped at, or touched without the other ingredients that would create a distinctly different moment.

The problem, though, now that she thought about it, was that they had emotional connection and chemistry, and Grace was special. And they were married.

This was a major head fuck.

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