Page 65 of The Last to Know

It took a moment for Caz to remember: The tissue—their baby.

Grace was still talking. “…the toilet, and I had so much pain I thought I’d faint and then, I felt it leave my body, and I couldn’t—”

Caz put her arm around her, grateful not to be pushed away this time. They needed each other, didn’t they?

“Let’s go home, eh?”

“I don’t want to go home.”

Caz opened the back door. Daylight flooded in and almost blinded them both.

“Okay, we can go somewhere else,” Caz said. She wasn’t going to argue. Finding the keys, she hit the button and the alarm beeped. “Let’s get into the car, and then we can decide what to do, yeah?”

Grace didn’t agree or argue. She just complied and sat herself in the passenger seat. Caz all but ran around the car to the driver’s side, jumping in and closing the door, and closing out the world outside.

“Do you need—” She stopped talking, leaned over and grabbed the seatbelt, yanking it too hard and it stuck. She calmed herself, released it, and tried again. This time when she pulled it, it came loose and she could clip it into the lock, making Grace as safe as she could be. “So, I thought we could just drive out to the coast…”

Grace didn’t answer. She just stared absently out through the window, a solitary tear running down her cheek as though it, too, was trying to escape the sadness that was upon her.

The engine started and she pulled away just as the radio came on, the DJ waffling along to the end of one song before launching into the next. Caz turned it down and then thought better of it, and turned it back up just enough so the silence didn’t feel quite so oppressive.

She took turn after turn until she was on the motorway and cruising towards the sea, clear skies up ahead.

Caz hoped that boded well.

“I think it would be good if we can talk,” Caz said once the car had hit the right speed and she was able to just follow the road without needing to keep indicating and moving.

She didn’t think Grace was going to answer, but then she heard. “What’s to talk about?”

Caz glanced quickly across at Grace. She was still staring blankly out of the window.

“You know…just talk for now, and then…later, when we’re ready—”

Now Grace turned to her, a look of incandescent fury in her eyes.

“Small talk? You want to fill the air with nonsense? Okay, fine, how was your day?”

Caz let out a deep breath, biting down the urge to fire back.

“That’s not what I meant, but it’s a start, and yes, it’s better than this silence…this coldness you’re throwing at me.”

“I’m not throwing it at you,” Grace said angrily.

“Yes you are. It’s like you blame me.”

Grace scoffed and folded her arms tightly over her chest. “Oh, make it all about you. Good one, Caroline.”

“I’m not making it about me, I’m trying to engage with you so we can talk it out, but all I’m getting is anger and—”

“Maybe…just maybe, Iamangry! Have you considered that?”

Indicating, Caz pulled the car off the motorway at the next junction and drove down a country lane, the silence now palpable. When she spotted a layby, she stopped the car, unbuckled her seatbelt, and turned in her seat to face Grace.

“I have considered that. I’m angry too—at the world and the universe, but not you,” Caz said. She felt her eyes moisten instantly. “I’m not angry or upset with you. I want to be there. I want to support you and for us to be a team, but you’re pushing me away, and I don’t understand why? It feels like you blame me… Did I do something wrong?”

“No. Of course not. I just…it’s like there’s a volcano in my chest and it’s erupting, and I can’t…I can’t stop it, and I can’t breathe, and nothing makes it any better…I…” She finally looked at Caz. “Why me? Why can’t we do this? Why us?”

Caz shrugged. “Why not us? It’s just how it is, it’s not personal…we didn’t do anything wrong, or hurt anyone…this just—”

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