Page 67 of The Last to Know

“That was before,” Grace interrupted.

Caz frowned. “Before what?”

“Look, we got into this because we both agreed we wanted a baby, and I can’t…I can’t give you that, so…you should leave and go and find—”

“Wait, what?” Caz reached out, her fingertips touching Grace’s arm lightly. “You think… No, we didn’t do this just because we wanted a baby, Grace!” She turned away, her emotions tumbling around like a washer on spin. She couldn’t hold it in any longer, not now. She stood up, spun back around, and stared at Grace, eyes intense and brooding as she finally admitted the truth, “We did this because neither one of us knew how to ask for what we really wanted…”

Now it was Grace who frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.” She stared at Grace so hard it forced her to look away. “You know, Grace.”

“I don’t…we…this was an arrangement…to have a baby.”

“Was it? Maybe that’s what we told ourselves when it started,” Caz said. She had nothing to lose, except for everything,and if that was to be the case, she was going to go down fighting, so she took her seat again and calmed herself.

Grace narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Caz smiled as she continued to look at her. “We love each other, and it was too big of a risk to admit to feelings and attraction, so we found a way to make it alright.”

“Are you mad?” Grace scoffed. “We did this to have a family, not because—"

Caz shook her head and continued, despite the hot flush she was starting to feel in her cheeks and on the back of her neck as she interrupted, “And now that’s maybe not an option and we’re going to have to face the reality of what we really are.”

“And what reality is that? Seriously, Caroline, I’m all ears.”

“Don’t do that,” Caz said, pushing her chair back and standing up again. Turning away, she ran her hands through her hair. “Don’t push me away because you’re upset and hurting. I’m hurting too.” Twisting around, she stared down at Grace and finally said what she’d wanted to say for months now, “I love you…and I know you love me.”

“So?” Grace shook her head at her. “We’ve never denied that; all friends love each other.”

“Yeah, they do…but this is different.”

“I’m not gay!” Grace said, standing up, hands firmly on her hips. “That’s just ridic—"

“Friends don’t kiss each other, Grace,” Caz interrupted.

She watched Grace’s cheeks burn a fierce pink as she sat back down and said, “You didn’t complain.”

“Neither did you,” Caz threw back at her before adding, “Friends don’t marry each other either, Grace.”

“You agreed to that—” Her hands were thrown up into the air in frustration.

“Yeah, I did. I got swept up in it all. I told myself it was exactly what I needed, and I was right, you—”

“So, wait,” Grace glared, “you’ve had feelings for me this entire time and you just what, thought I’d come around? That’s pretty shit, Caz.”

“No, that’s not it.” Caz shook her head furiously. “I didn’t know I had these feelings. I thought you and me were so friend-zoned that that wasn’t ever an option, but then…being around you all the time, living with you, being your partner, supporting each other…hugging…sleeping in the same bed, the kisses—I started to realise Icouldlove you in that way, and that it was okay to love you, and…I’ve felt that there’s a part of you that feels the same way about me.”

Grace stood up. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous!” Caz shouted. “Why do you think everybody we know believed us so easily when we said we were getting married?”

“I don’t know…what does it matter? Maybe we’re just good liars.”

“Bullshit,” Caz said again. “That’s bull and you know it. They believed us because they all saw it…long before we did.”

“They saw what they wanted to see. I don’t love you.” Grace shook her head. “Not like that.”

The words stung and Caz felt them hit hard and deep, Grace puncturing her heart in a way nobody ever had before.

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