Page 180 of Voices

I jump as the locker room door slams open as the guys pile out, led by a beaming Matt. They walk over to where Lily and I are waiting, and I can feel their excitement radiating off them.

Shane wraps me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. Tilting my face up, I smile as he plants his lips on mine. “You did it, Superstar.” My heart flutters as his smile grows even bigger.

“Yeah. We did.” He kisses me again before hooking his arm around my shoulders and turning to where Ryder and Matt have their heads together, looking at Matt’s phone.

“Oh! How about this place? It’s only five miles from the hotel and it says here that they have a full menu.” Matt smiles and rubs his stomach. “Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m really hungry.”

Asher snorts before grabbing Matt's arm and pulling him to the exit doors.

“I guess The Locker Room Bar it is.” Ryder winks as we follow Matt and Asher to the bus.

“I’ll see you back at the hotel, beautiful.” Shane walks onto the bus with a bright smile still plastered on his handsome face.

Lily hooks her arm through mine as we wave at the guys through the windows. “Let’s go get ready to party!” She pulls on my hand as we run to her car.

“This place is so cool,” Ryder says, looking around at all the St. Louis sports teams memorabilia.

The place is packed. The team fills most of the booths and the dance floor. We’re tucked in near the bar, waiting for the bartender to glance our way. Shane stands behind me, his hands resting gently on my hips as we sway in sync to the country song drifting through the noise. Even in the crowd, it feels like it’s just us. It feels good being able to relax in such a loud and overstimulating place. Normally, I would have needed to talk myself up to being in a place like this and taken something to calm my nerves. And even then, I wouldn’t be able to stop the intrusive thoughts that led to an inevitable panic attack.

The withdrawal from opioid use didn’t help either. I didn’t think I had a drug addiction problem since I only took them when I needed to. But after a week of only taking Tylenol for pain, it was clear I had a problem when I yelled at Shane to gofind some Vicodin. Then when he refused, I threatened to call Pete and buy my own drugs.

So what did he do? He held me close, and one by one, he spoke every reason he loved me, every part of me he still believed in. And when he said the drugs didn’t define me, that they weren’tme,Ifelt something crack open inside. Something I believe washope.

I cried in his arms for hours and stayed there for a while afterward when the nausea and shakes started. I’m not sure how long it took, but once the fever-like symptoms and cravings finally faded, I loved Shane for a whole new reason.

That’s not to say the voices have completely left me alone. It was hard to accept that my father and Conrad could never touch me again and that I was free from them. My head taunted me with what they did and what they would do when they got ahold of me. It sent me spiraling into a “what if” panic attack.

But through every trembling breath and every tear I couldn’t hold back, Shane stayed. He held me like he was trying to shield me from the world, his voice steady as he reminded me that I was safe, and that I was loved. When the clouds cleared and the voices were finally quiet, Shane sat patiently with my hands in his as I struggled to tell him what was going on in my head.

It was hard at first to open up. No one had ever cared enough to listen to me, and no matter how many times I fought with myself that Shane did care, I still got nervous telling him everything. But, like the saint of a boyfriend he is, he never left my side as I fought my way through talking my feelings out.

He’s shown me, over and over, that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to help me, no matter what the situation is. He’s not just my best friend, he’s the one person who’s always there, the one lifting me up when I can’t stand on my own. He’s truly the greatest person I’ve ever known, and I don’t think I could ever find a love as pure and unconditional as his.

Through him, I’ve come to understand how beautiful life truly is. He’s shown me that even the toughest of days seem brighter when you have the right people by your side. He’s taught me that to truly live life to the fullest, you need those who lift you up and walk with you every step of the way.

“What are you thinking about, beautiful?” Shane’s deep whisper tickles my ear.

I lean back into him, letting the warmth of his chest press against my back, as a soft smile tugs at my lips. Tilting my head just enough to meet his gaze, I catch those beautiful blue eyes of his. Lifting onto my toes, I press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

“You. I’m always thinking about you, Superstar.”

He bends down and delivers one of the deepest, sexiest kisses, accompanied by a throaty groan.

“How about we give these guys another ten minutes, then you and I go take advantage of my empty hotel room?”

I nod vigorously, making his chest rumble as he laughs.

A throat clearing has me turning back to the bar. A guy with deep red hair and a brooding scowl stands behind the bar with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

I go to take a step away from Shane but he grips my hips and pulls me back to his chest.

The guy behind the bar stares at Shane’s hands as his jaw muscles pop.

“Can I please get five shots of Crown Royal, three Bud Light’s, and two Goose Island IPA’s.” Shane slides a fifty across the bar. “Keep the change.”

The bartender still has his eyes on Shane’s hand on my hip, making me slightly uncomfortable.

Shane taps the bar, snapping the guy out of whatever the fuck that was. The guy blinks a few times before grabbing the money and walking away.

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