Page 42 of Voices

STOP!

Look how small you are. Hell, maybe you won't get bigger.

Please no.

SHUT. UP!

I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes until white spots appear and my head feels like it’s about to explode.

So fucking useless!

Why can’t you be more like your brother?

Fucking disgrace to this family!

Arrrrggghhhh!

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!”

I curl up in a ball on my side and yank on my hair as hard as I can. I grip my shoulder, turn my head into my bicep, and bite down. The thick hoodie prevents my teeth from breaking skin, so I use it to muffle my screams.

I scream as loud as I can and keep screaming until I can’t hear the voices anymore. Until I can’t think. Can’t breathe. I start heaving as tears stream down my cheeks.

Why am I like this?

Why can’t I just be normal?

My body jerks fighting to get more air into my lungs.

But I don’t want to.

As I take a short breath, wishing for it to be the last, warm hands flip me over. I’m looking up at my ceiling, but my vision is blurry, and I can’t hear anything over the rapid whooshing of my heartbeat in my ears.

Shane’s wet face comes into view, but I don’t want to look at him. He probably thinks I’m crazy.

You’re so fucking stupid!

He pulls my lax body up to a sitting position and leans my head against his warm, shower-dampened chest. He’s saying something but I can only feel the rumble in his chest as he talks.

He’s telling you how fucked up you are!

I must let out a whine or whimper because Shane tightens his arms around me, kisses my forehead, and starts slowly rocking side to side.

“Please be ok…”

“I’ve got you, baby...”

“Beautiful…”

“Charlie…”

His words are coming in and out over my ragged breathing.

When I’m finally able to, I look up at him through blurry eyes and instantly wish I didn’t. He looks scared out of his mind.

You did that to him!

“Charlie,” he whispers my name as he presses his forehead to mine.

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