Page 50 of Voices

No. He can’t find out.

I stay silent as I slowly roll to my back and look up at his ceiling. What can I tell him so that worried look can leave his face? I swallow hard and turn my head to look at him. He’s up on his elbow looking down at me.

“I have panic attacks sometimes, but I have medicine for it. You don’t have to worry about me.”

That wasn’t the right thing to say by the way his brows draw in. Shit.

“What do you mean you have medicine for it? Don’t you have to see a doctor frequently to get a prescription?”

Why does he know that?

“I was seeing a shri-therapist and she prescribed them to help me stay calm in a stressful situation. But sometimes a panic attack hits out of nowhere and the medicine isn’t strong enough at that time to stop it.”

That sounded convincing, right?

I honestly don’t know when I was prescribed Xanax or Valium. I was seeing shrink after shrink afterithappened, and I think my mother got tired of having to keep filling out the paperwork, so she had one of her “special friends” get them for me so she wouldn’t have to be bothered by me anymore. But I’vebuilt up a tolerance over the years and they aren’t as strong as they once were, so I now take them along with something else to numb my mind.

Shane reaches across my face and moves the hair that’s fallen in my eyes. “Did you take them today? You’re struggling and I think if your therapist prescribed something to help you, you should be taking it.”

I think back to the two Xanax I took earlier. I felt the calm feeling leave my body halfway through sketching him in my art room.

“I took them before I got in the bathtub, but I’m okay now. Those girls…”

“Are assholes,” he finishes for me. “Ryder heard one of them talking about you when I was fixing the oven settings. That’s when he saw you swaying and ran to you before you hit your head.” Be brushes his fingers over my forehead again. “Bethany said few choice words that we don’t let fly in this house. Ryder tossed her and the other one out without a second thought.”

I didn’t like them, but I didn’t mean to ruin Ryder’s day. I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Shane gets up and stands in front of me.

“I have to go apologize to Ryder. He probably hates me right now. I don’t want your friend to be mad at me because I ruined his plans.”

I go to walk around him, but he grabs my hip and pulls me back in front of him. “Believe me, he doesn’t care. He was going to kick them out after they ate then never talk to them again. One thing Ryder doesn’t do is seconds. Plus, he’s not home.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll let him know what you said if that’ll help.”

“Thank you.” I look around his room again, spotting his clock and noticing that it’s past three. “We skipped lunch again,” I say, looking back at him.

He lets out a laugh and reaches for my hand. “Well, someone seems to not like being awake for lunch. You should probably change that since we have class tomorrow.”

He leads me to his door but instead of going right towards the kitchen like I thought he would, he turns left. He walks to the sliding glass doors and opens one. The warm air hits my face with a light breeze. He pulls me to one of the chairs and sits down before I do, pulling me to sit on his lap.

“I guess I should have asked if you were thirsty before I had you sit on me.” His soft chuckle against my ear makes me shiver.

“I’m fine.” I look out at all the people walking around the huge courtyard. “This is nice. It’s a much better view than I have.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. We were lucky to get one of these condos. They go really fast once a senior moves out. But the guys who lived here before us were on the team, so they let us know right before they moved out.”

I lean back awkwardly, not knowing if I should stay sitting or lie on his chest. He places his hand in the center of my chest and gently pushes me down until my back hits his hard chest, choosing for me. He lets out a contented sigh as I relax on top of him.

“Matt and Asher live on the first floor, but they live in that wing over there.” He points to the right and down. “I love Matt, but I don’t think I could handle him living on the same floorandseeing him every day for hockey.” He laughs and I can feel the vibrations through my back. “I have no idea how Asher does it.”

I have no idea who Asher is but it’s a safe bet that he’s a hockey player too.

We sit in silence for a while as we watch the clouds pass and listen to random conversations from the people below. Between the warmth from the sun on my face and the breeze keeping me cool, my eyes start to get heavy. I close them for a second but when I open them the sun has lowered, making the sky a burnt orange color.

“Are you hungry sleepy head?”

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