Page 93 of Voices

I slowly open my eyes to see a warbled Shane. He wipes my eyes, making his face become clear. His blue eyes look sad as he reaches under the blankets and drags me towards him. He’s kneeling next to my bed, looking down at me as he wraps his arms around me.

He holds me for a long time, taking slow breaths. I know what he’s doing, so I do my best to slow my breathing to sync with his. He leans back and strokes the side of my face with his thumb. He still has that sad look in his eye that I’m pretty sure I put there.

“How are you feeling? You slept for a long time. It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

I look up at him but don’t say anything.

He moves his hand towards my hair but stops. Dropping his hand next to my head on the pillow, he leans down and kisses my forehead.

“How about we get you up and get some food in you? Then maybe a warm shower and some Avatar?”

He doesn’t wait for me to answer as he pulls the blankets off my body and helps me sit up. Goosebumps spread all over my skin making me shiver. He takes off his hoodie and tugs it over my head. His scent wraps around me as the warmth takes the chill away.

I go to put my feet on the floor but wince as a sharp sting radiates down the inside of my thigh. I look down and see a long strip of white gauze taped to my thigh with dark blood spots onit. I quickly cover my legs with a blanket as my entire body starts to shake.

Oh shit! He saw it! There’s no way he could have missed it.

You’re so fucking STUPID!

He knows!

You really are a worthless piece of shit!

He’s sad because of YOU!

YOU did that to him!!

I grip my hair and rock back and forth, willing the voices to stop.

“Stop, stop, stop. Go away. Please just go away!” I cry as I pull my hair harder.

Warm fingers cover mine as Shane’s voice breaks through.

“You’re okay, baby. I’m right here. Open your eyes and look at me.”

I shake my head as hair is ripped from my scalp.

“Charlie…” Shane wraps me in a tight hug.

I try to rock and pull my hair, but he has my arms locked in place and he’s holding me still.

“Shh, I’ve got you.” He kisses my left hand and then the right. “Slow your breathing baby, deep breaths. Follow me.” His chest inflates under my head then slowly goes down. He does it until I’m able to match him.

My hands slowly release my hair, pulling a few strands that are tangled around my fingers. He loosens his arms around me so I can drop my arms and when my hands land in my lap, they’re covered in my dark strands. I turn them over and over, wondering how I’m not going bald.

Shane covers my hands with one of his and lifts my face with his other.

“I don’t know what happened but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always take care of you, regardless of what’s going on up here,” he taps my temple. “Let me help you beautiful.”

I nod slowly as he presses his lips to my forehead. He stands and grabs a pair of sweats off the floor. Pulling the blanket from my legs, I look away in embarrassment as he guides my legs into the pants and pulls them up. He stops at the bandages and kisses the skin next to it before helping me stand. I pull them the rest of the way up and keep my head down as he holds out his hand. I slide my trembling hand into his as we walk to the kitchen.

There’s a bowl of mac and cheese next to a plate with homemade veggie nuggets and two rolls with a bottle of water sitting on the island. He hands me the bowl, grabs the water bottle and plate and walks to the living room. A football game is playing on the TV as we sit on the couch. But I’m not hungry so I set the bowl on the coffee table and curl up in the blankets.

“I already ate while you were sleeping. These are for you,” he holds up the plate and then points to the bowl.

Not wanting to upset him, I grab one of the rolls and rip off a piece, nibbling on it as I watch the game. I can feel his eyes on me as I tear off another small piece and chew it slowly.

“Here, try this. I made them the way you like so you can’t taste the vegetables, and I added some cheese to hide them a bit more.”

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