Page 97 of Voices

“Charlie, they help more than you realize. Please take them.” She grabs my hand and places the bottle in my palm and closes my fingers around it. “Please Jax,” she whispers. “I don’t wantyou to getthatlow again.” She lifts my hand holding the bottle to her lips and kisses my knuckles.

I nod subtly and finish the last bit of the joint. She turns to Noah and says something. I spin the roach between my thumb and index finger, watching ash fall onto my lap as my fingertips turn gray.

She knows about the other pills now.

The two people I care about the most in this world now know how fucked up I really am.

I put the remaining end of the joint on the end table and turn the orange bottle in my hand until the label comes into view. Duloxetine. I pop open the top and dump out a blue and green pill into my palm. I don’t even know if these are the right pills for this bottle.

Lily takes it from my palm and holds it up to my mouth along with her bottle of water. I bite the inside of my cheek.

I really don’t want to take it.

“I looked this one up and it has fewer side effects than the other one. Plus, you have more of these so you can take them regularly for your body to adjust to it.”

I look over Lily’s shoulder and see Noah with wide eyes, nodding for me to take it. I look back at Lily’s piercing blue eyes and soft smile.

I slowly part my lips. She places the pill on my tongue and then hands me her water. I quickly swallow it down so I don’t have to think about it anymore.

She sets the bottle on the table and scoots closer to me until her knees are touching my leg.

“Thank you, Charlie. I promise it’ll help you feel better. From what I read, it can take a few weeks to fully start working so you have to take them every day, okay?”

“Yeah,” I say, defeated.

She squeezes my leg before standing up. Noah does the same as he collects the trash. “I need to meet up with some friends for a project at the library. Finish that,” she points to my half eaten quesadilla, “and get ready for your class. A tall handsome hockey player just might be waiting for you afterwards.” She winks as she spins away and skips to the kitchen.

“Bye, Jax. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lily yells as I hear the door open and then close.

I run my fingers through my hair as I let out a long breath. The pill bottle falls to the floor, scattering little blue/green pills everywhere. I look down at them. Stupid things. They won’t work. Nothing ever works.

I lean back and curl into a ball, pulling the blankets over me. The weed wasn’t strong but it’s enough to make the bright colors Effie Trinket is wearing even brighter. I feel heavy as I watch the movie which is a lot funnier than I remember it being. I watch until my eyelids become too heavy to keep open, chuckling as Katniss drops a hive of tracker jackers on those assholes.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Shane

Ilook down at the message Lily just sent me, not sure how I feel about it.

Feisty pants: I just left Charlie’s. He’s high and watching that movie with Catnip and Pita Bread. I found his antidepressants and a disturbing number of pill bottles in his bathroom. I flushed two bottles down the toilet. I didn’t know if the pills would make the toilet clog or else I would have done them all. BUT I did get him to agree to take the anti-d’s again. He looked worn out when we left so he’s most likely sleeping before his class.

I know she’s only trying to help but I’m not so sure flushing those pills without talking with him first was the right move. I rub a hand across my forehead, under the edge of my backward hat. Getting back on the antidepressants will hopefully help him not feel so down. I don’t know anyone who’s experienced depression, so I’m lost on how I can help him.

I pull up Google as I wait for Coach Q to call me into his office. I search for how to support someone with depression. The first three websites start the same: be patient and understanding, listen, stick to a treatment plan, and don’t give up on them.

I wish he’d talk to me about what causes his distress. I know that guy from the other night triggered something in Charlie which is why I found him like I did. I close my eyes as I remember how utterly broken he was. My sweet, beautiful boy isstruggling so much. If I could take away a fraction of his pain, I would in a heartbeat.

“Hawkins,” Coach Q’s rough voice comes across the locker room. I pocket my phone and make my way to him.

“Coach,” I nod as I follow him into his office.

“Take a seat, Shane.” I sit in the large chair across from his desk as he sits in his leather chair. “I have two things to go over with you.” He pulls a paper from under his keyboard and hands it to me. It’s a list of NHL teams.

“What’s this for,” I ask as I scan the teams. The Florida Wildcats and Tampa Bay Thunder are at the top followed by the Chicago Blackbirds, Toronto Capitals, and the Nashville Tigers.

He clears his throat as he leans back in his chair. “Those are five teams that are scouting you this year. I have an idea of when each team will be here, but I’m not telling you those dates.”

“Figures,” I mumble making him chuckle.

---