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I switch my phone to the other ear and hold it with my hand, blowing a piece of hair from my face. “Mom, it’s okay to worry. I know you always will.”

“I just know what this time of year is like for you…”

“It’s fine,” I interrupt her sentence. “It’s easier every year, and I keep myself busy.”

It’s been five years nearly to the day since that night, and I haven’t always handled this anniversary very well. It usually ends up with me being very wine drunk and crying myself to sleep. It’s the one night a year I allow myself to feel the pain, to feel the anger. As much as I want to believe I’ve moved past it entirely, I can’t. The memory always finds its way back to the forefront of my mind sometimes, especially when this time of year rolls around again.

“Promise me you’ll call me if you need? I could always drive down. Hell, I could even get a flight. I could be there tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to leave, Mom, you shouldn’t miss any work, and of course, I promise.” I set out to stir my pasta again before scooping a serving into my bowl.

“All right, well, I’m going to head out to dinner with your dad now. It’s date night in the Morgan household,” she singsongs and I can’t help but laugh.

“Eat a big slice of cheesecake for me.”

“Oh, you know I will. I love you, sweetie.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

I end the call and scoop up my bowl before walking into the living room and settling down in front of the TV to eat my dinner.

This has become my ritual in a sense. My way to wind down after a long day at work.

I’m not a hermit, by any means. I have friends, and I go out and have fun. I date here and there, but I really enjoy being at home.

It’s a space I can control. A space I’m comfortable in.

Savannah became my safe haven after I left Tennessee. I visited this city one time with my family when I was a teenager, and I knew instantly this was where I wanted to be. It’s where I needed to be, and when I made that hard choice to drop out of school and leave everything I knew behind to start my life over, there was never a second choice.

I was going to Savannah and that was that.

I talked to my parents, took out loans I am still paying back to this day, packed my car, and left.

I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got here. All I knew at the time was, I just needed to go.

I made the best of a shitty situation and I have to say I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I have a beautiful home, a job I love, friends I adore, and I’m growing happier and less anxious every day.

I made it my goal to live my life in spite of what happened to me.

I finish my dinner and a couple rounds of my latest Netflix binge before calling it a night.

That’s me. Faith Morgan. Living my best life.

I think.

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