Page 53 of Counterfeit Connection

“Gillian, Jesus Christ.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes, we used protection. I’m a responsible adult, and as far as all the stuff online goes, just don’t even look at it.”

“How can I avoid it when it’s everywhere? I’m worried about you.”

“Gillian, can you please, for two seconds, be my sister? I don’t want to talk about the bad and what could become bad. I want to gush and vent. Please.”

She takes a beat then I hear her sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I hear her close a door and now, I can only assume, she’s alone. “How was it?”

“I didn’t even know sex could be that good.” I smile. “Is that how it’s always been? Have I been missing out for this long?”

“When you’re with the right person for you, it’s magic. I felt that way…feel that way…with Jason. Not to put images in your head or anything, but it’s overly tender when it needs to be and well, not, when it should be too. I call it the Gentleman Rogue.”

“Ewww, but also yes,” I scream in agreement. “It’s got to be a British thing because if Martin was a five, Griffin was like five hundred. The best part is, he stayed. He stayed all night until nearly dinner. He curled up with Marilyn while I made her breakfast then he helped me in the kitchen to make us something to eat.

“I walked him through some of the finer points of American football and told him we all hate the Packers. We cuddled up together while we watched the games and looked at every photo and article that seemed to come up minute by minute. He made me promise to not look at any of the comments on them. Gilly, did you look at the comments?”

“I did. I wanted to know what everyone was saying.”

“Please don’t look at them. I want to know too, but I’m keeping my word to him that I wouldn’t look.”

“Some weren’t bad at all. In fact, many were very complimentary and kind, the others, however, must have come from the cesspool side of the internet.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “Just don’t look again, okay? I have to trust it’ll be better for all of us. Is Dad angry?”

“Dad is confused as to why you have a new, serious boyfriend he knows nothing about. I explained you are an adult and trying to have your own identity in the city. It seemed to pacify him.”

“I hate lying to him, Gilly.”

“Let’s not go down that rabbit hole right now. It’ll only drive you crazy. I want to circle back to your heart in all of this. Are you keeping it safe?”

I want to say yes, because I want to believe I am, but with every passing second, I’m not sure anymore.

“I hope so.”

“Hope so? I need more than I hope so to be convinced.”

“He treats me so well, no matter if people are around or not. He’s been open and honest about his life, and I can see his moral compass. He does for me what I see Jason do for you, in the ways he’s protective and your needs matter above everything else. If that’s an act, he’s great at it.”

“I also know you don’t have sex with just anyone. If you made the decision to go there, you have to feel some sort of connection with him.”

“Of course I do. I know I’d be friends with him regardless.”

“Regardless? What does that mean?”

“What I hope it means is, even when the contract is over, I’ll still have him in my life.”

Whoa…I said that out loud.

“Kait…”

“I know, I know. I am a little surprised at myself, but don’t get ahead of me or yourself, okay? It’s not like I’m in love with him.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No! I’m not in love, but I am really scared that if I’m not careful, I could end up that way.”

We spend the next thirty minutes going over what has happened and what’s to come in my arrangement with Griffin,and by the time I finish the call, I’m even more confused about what my heart and my brain are saying to each other.

A normal, sane person would run in the opposite direction of what seems like it should be a dead end. He’s never, not even once, expressed wanting anything extra from me after our time together is over, so putting that idea in my own head is asking for a broken heart. Stick to the contract. Don’t look outside the document.

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