Alex sighed. He really wanted to do things right, and right now, he felt out of his depth. He should talk to Melissa first, shouldn't he? Hammer out the details with her before he gave Lena any false hopes. Regardless of the details they agreed on, it wouldn't change one thing. "I want to see more of you, Lena."
"I really want to see more of you, too, Daddy." Now she did lift her face so he could see her reflection in the mirror. The lights from the dash were bright enough that even from the back seat, he could see her eyes, glistening with emotion, and he was once again reminded of Jason. "I want to stay here forever with you."
Alex swallowed hard and nodded. "I'd like that more than anything, Lena bug, but your Mommy would miss you so much."
"No, she wouldn't," Lena shot right back, shaking her head hard. "She wouldn't," she repeated more emphatically, crossing her arms.
"Hey, now. That's not true, and you know it."
"Then why does she always leave me with Adeline?" Lena's voice rose, petulant. "She sometimes goes away for lots of days in a row, and when she comes back, she just goes to parties instead of taking care of me. When you come to see me, we do things together. We color, we swing, and read and run, and stuff. Mom doesn't even like swings." She said the last bit as if the concept was unfathomable to her.
Alex knew lots of the children on the North Shore were raised by nannies, that in many circles, it was completely acceptable. But he wouldn't dismiss her feelings by making excuses for Melissa.
"I could stay with you instead of Adeline, and then Mommy wouldn't have to pay any money for me. Mommy says Adeline costs lots and lots of money and that I should be more grateful."
Alex closed his eyes for just a moment, warring with the resentment building inside of him. It was always about money with Melissa,always,and the fact that Lena was even aware of it was pretty incriminating.
"If I stayed with you, I'd be infinity times grateful," she added.
Alex wished he had answers for her. Lena had grown up so much since last summer; he'd noticed it with every phone call, but it still caught him by surprise every time he looked at her now that she was here in person. Even so, he hadn't expected these questions, and he wasn't prepared for the sadness in her eyes, the solemnity of this conversation. He reached back, turning his hand palm up, and waited until she put her hand in his. So small, so delicate, so fragile, it was like holding a featherless bird. All he could manage to say was, "I love you, Lena bug."
He heard her deep sigh, but he felt it like a knife to his heart. "I love you, too, Daddy." It was sincere, but she sounded resigned, as if he'd let her down.
Her and everyone else.
Why couldn't he stop messing things up?
They drove in silence for a few minutes, the only sound the steady rumble of The Beast's engine and the occasional swish of tires on the road.
"Mommy's making us leave early this time," Lena said finally, picking up the thread of their earlier conversation at Juno's.
"Whoa. What?" This was news to him. "What do you mean?"
"That's why we came early. Because we have to leave early so we can go with Daniel."
"When?"
"I don't know. She just said early. Maybe next week?" In the rearview mirror, he could see her staring out the window into the darkness.
Well, that was something they'd be talking about at the first opportunity. Tonight. There was no way Melissa was going to take her away again so soon. He didn't like probing Lena for details, but he suddenly felt like it might behoove him to be as well-informed as possible about what was happening in Lena's life. "I'll talk to her about that, I promise."
"Talking won't matter. Daniel has to go to Greece for business, and Mommy said we have to go with him." Then, in a tone that sounded remarkably like Melissa, she added, "It's an opportunity we simply can't pass up."
Alex clenched his jaw, his teeth grinding together in helpless rage. How could Melissa do that to Lena? To him? Hadn't he bent over backwards to be accommodating to her every demand?
"She always says that when she gets a new boyfriend. I asked Charlie why she called him that, and she got mad. I don't even know why."
Alex bit back a comment that would be inappropriate to share with his daughter. At least now he had a good inkling of why Charlie hadn't worked out. His list of discussion topics was growing longer by the second. And he wasn't finished yet. "How doyoufeel about going to Greece?"
Lena sighed dramatically. "I hate Greece. It's greasy. I have to wear sunscreen every single day." She had started kicking the back of the passenger seat, a rhythmic thump-thump-thump.
He paused before asking his next question, not wanting to lead her in any way, but finally said, "And how do you feel about Daniel?"
Thump-thump-thump-thump.
Alex suddenly felt like pulling over so he could look his daughter in the face, but he didn't want to scare her. "Lena-bug?" he prodded gently.
She shrugged one shoulder, a gesture that conveyed far more than words. "He looks at me weird."