Page 115 of Callan

My voice trails off before the silence thickens, and he no longer laughs or smiles.

“You’re involved in some bad stuff?” I eventually ask, my voice shaking as I fear the answer.

“What if I were?” he says, and the night goes darker.

18

MACKENZIE

His eyes stay lockedwith mine, and I stare at him in silence, lost for words.

I don’t know what to say.

I haven’t thought about it at length.

Of course I thought about him and the stuff going on upstairs, yet in my mind, I’ve always considered him a good man.I didn’t want to think he was the villain.

It didn’t appeal to me and didn’t matter.

But now, somehow, it does.

And oddly, he is the one who brings it up.

His attention is sharp as a needle, and he seems interested in my opinion.

What if he is involved with some bad people?

What am I saying?

He is involved with bad people.

The real question is… How rattled am I by it?

My words fail to come because there is no good answer.

I can’t write him a blank check of trust.

I can’t say it doesn’t matter what he’s doing.

I’ve never thought about it seriously about this.

If I did that, everything would be upside down now. I wouldn’t be here. And I’d have to reconsider a lot of things.And I’d be scared.

I am scared. And I’m profusely sweating.

Should I trust him? Can I afford to do that?

My life has always been a struggle, an endless fight to strike a balance, survive, and keep things under control.

I’ve always walked a narrow line, never relying on anyone other than myself.

That comes with some freedom. It also comes with little room for mistakes.

If someone like him destroys my natural habitat, creates havoc, and brings chaos, I might as well become a casualty.

His waiting for an answer comes to an end as he peels his eyes off me, turns on the ignition, and casts a glance away.

“What would you like to do?” he asks in a somber voice that carries the rubble of disappointment.

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