Page 20 of Shift the Tide

By the time they stepped onto the sand, the sky had begun to lighten, hues of gray streaking the horizon. A thin veil of early spring fog clung to the shoreline, blurring the edges of the world around them. The ocean air was rich with the scent of salt and something cool and earthy. The water glimmered under the soft dawn light, waves rolling steadily toward shore. The beach behind them was empty, save for the occasional runner or dog walker. Izzy had left the surfboard back at the house and she fidgeted with the strings of her hoodie, while Kiera tucked her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants.

They walked in companionable silence at first, the only sound the rhythm of the waves and a few far-off sea lions hollering. Izzy stole a glance at Kiera, noticing the way her shoulders had started to relax, her gaze fixed on the ocean as if it held answers she couldn’t quite articulate.

“Do your girls like Denver?” Izzy asked, breaking the silence.

Kiera nodded, her expression softening. “I think so. They've been amazing about all of the changes, especially given a new school and new house and not seeing their dad, but I can't help but wonder just how terribly I'm traumatizing them. Maybe instead of a college fund, I should just start a therapy fund."

“Sounds like something all parents should start,” Izzy said with a small smile.

“I should start one for myself,” Kiera admitted, kicking at the sand as they walked. “I’ve been so caught up in… everything. I don’t remember the last time I just let myself enjoy anything."

Izzy raised an eyebrow. “Why is that?"

Kiera hesitated, then shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m too busy trying to keep it all together.”

Izzy glanced out at the water, her jaw tightening slightly. “Telluride didn’t exactly help with that, did it?” The words were out before she could stop them, and she immediately regretted the flat directness in her tone.

Kiera stopped walking, her expression clouding. “Izzy, I…” She trailed off, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I handled that all wrong. I thought I was helping, but I only made things worse. For everyone.”

The sincerity in Kiera’s voice gave Izzy pause. She had spent so much time convincing herself that Kiera’s actions had been selfish, but what if it had been something else? What if, beneath the interference and misguided attempts to help, Kiera had been struggling just as much as the rest of them? She’d expected Kiera to defend her actions, to try to explain them away. She hadn’t expected this.

“You did make it worse,” Izzy said, though her voice lacked the edge it had carried moments ago. “You acted like you didn’t trust your best friend to handle her own life and make her own choices, and you hurt my best friend in the process."

Kiera’s shoulders slumped, and she nodded. “I was really going through it, and I didn’t even know it at the time. Things with Alex made me feel so out of control, and watching Danica be so reckless, or so I thought at the time… I did the wrong thing, and I’m truly sorry.”

Izzy studied her for a moment, the vulnerability in Kiera’s expression catching her off guard. For so long, she’d held onto the frustration, the hurt. But now, standing here in the soft morning light, those emotions didn’t have quite as strong a hold as they once had.

“Okay,” Izzy said finally, her tone softer.

Kiera offered a small, tentative smile. “Okay? That’s it?”

Izzy shrugged.

“Maybe someday when I'm feeling more... I don't know, like a person, I’ll be able to unpack that more. For now, you just get to tolerate this weird broken version of me.” Kiera bit her lower lip.

Izzy watched as Kiera's brow furrowed. There was clearly a lot of truth behind her words. "You know what really helped me feel normal after my divorce?"

Kiera tilted her head, holding the loose strands of her hair back from her face in the gentle morning breeze. "What?"

"Doing something I'd never done before, only for me. I took up ceramics for a while, weirdly enough. It was just some hobby that I enjoyed that had absolutely no tie to anything that could make me think of my ex-wife," Izzy said, remembering how empty she'd felt after Paisley had left her. She'd stumbled upon a queer pottery studio and started making wonky little bowls that made her inordinately happy.

Kiera's expression softened. "That's actually a really good idea."

"You will have absolutely no one else to impress or answer to about it, either. It can be something solely for you. You don't even have to be good at it." Izzy grinned, remembering how terrible she was at throwing clay on the wheel at first and how frustrated she'd been for weeks until it finally clicked. It had been such a personal victory. Meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but such a bright spot in her own little life.

"That's a good point. You know, I’ve been really wanting to work out again. I used to do Pilates, but maybe I’ll become like one of those people obsessed with CrossFit and… throwing around tires, or whatever they do.” Kiera smirked.

"Hell yeah. You should try it." Izzy nodded, picturing Kiera with massive muscles, talking about WODs. She grinned.

They continued walking, the tension between them easing slightly. After a while, Izzy nudged Kiera with her elbow, a glint in her eyes. “Want to see something cool?”

Fifteen minutes later,Izzy had driven her rental car to the rocky coastline of Point Loma to show Kiera the Cabrillo tide pools. They climbed down the cliffs, the rocky ledge of pools stretching out before them. An early morning marine layer rolled in, cloaking the cliffs in mist and giving the area an otherworldly feel. Waves crashed against the rocks, sending sprays of seawater into the breeze. Kiera crouched down, peering into one of the pools where tiny hermit crabs scuttled along the rocks.

“My parents met in San Diego when my dad was in the Navy, so I grew up visiting here,” Izzy said, watching as Kiera trailed her fingers through the water. “It’s one of my favorite spots.”

Kiera looked up, a soft smile on her lips. “I didn’t know your dad was in the Navy.”

“He was. He’s dead,” Izzy said with the same detached air she always reserved for that statement.

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