Page 68 of Prince of Shadow and Ash

Of course not.“I don’t know. You’ve never attacked me in cold blood.”

“I’ve felt like attacking you in hot blood.” A hint of mirth crept into Dresden’s voice. He placed the weapons on the trunk. “I’m still not abandoning you. Even if I have to tell you a hundred times a day: it’s going to be okay, you’ll make it through this, you’re still worthy, still my brother. And Regulus...it wasn’t you. If Harold and I can accept that, why can’t you?”

Because it was still my fault.The words stuck in his throat, too raw, too shameful and excruciating to let out of the darkness of his mind.Because I saw the light in your eyes fading, felt you dying as I squeezed your throat. Because your tear-stained face as you begged me to remember you—when I did, when I knew you, but I couldn’t control my own body—still haunts my dreams.

The cot squeaked as Dresden sat on it. “He hasn’t controlled you—”

“He has.” Regulus didn’t look at Dresden.

“...what?”

Regulus closed his eyes and spoke quietly. “Four times since then. Just not at the castle. A momentary hesitation, a brief refusal, temporary uncertainty. Usually just long enough to remind me he can. And I’ve been tortured so many times I’ve lost count.” The silence that followed his admission threatened to swallow him alive.

“Etiros above, Regulus. Why?”

Regulus opened his eyes. “He’s easily angered. And I’m...stubborn and resentful.”

“No. Why haven’t you told me?” Hurt reflected in Dresden’s eyes.

“Telling you doesn’t change it.”

“You’re a damned fool.”

“You’re right,” he murmured. “That’s why I don’t deserve Adelaide.”

Dresden was silent for a moment. “So? You haven’t endangered us; you won’t endanger her. Maybe having someone else to protect will help you be smarter. You’re better around her, Reg. More hopeful. You should tell her the truth.”

“What?” Regulus jerked his head up. “Are you out of your mind?”

“You’re so afraid she won’t accept you, you’re about to push her away. Why not give her that choice? You will lose her by walking away, anyway. Doesn’t she deserve a chance to decide for herself if she wants to take the risk? Just like the rest of us did?”

Regulus worked his jaw. Dresden had a point. If Regulus and Adelaide’s roles were reversed, wouldn’t he want the truth? Wouldn’t he want a chance to choose acceptance or not? But if he walked away now...yes, he might lose her. But he wouldn’t have to live with the pain of seeing the way she looked at him change. But if she could understand, if she could love him anyway... He longed for her acceptance as much as he longed for freedom.

“Do you even like her, Reg?”

“Excuse me?”

Drez threw his hands in the air. “You’re giving up so easily, she must not be that special.”

Heat flared in his chest. “Of course she’s special!”

“Then tell me why!”

“She’s...” Regulus looked away and took a deep breath as he pictured her smile. The thought of her calmed his jittery nerves. “She’s smart and capable and confident. She’s humorous and kind. She’s honest. And...sheseesme. Not a servant’s son, or a mercenary, or a captain. Not someone she owes anything to. More than a walking testament to my father’s infidelity. Not an imposter or just a title. Not a slave. I haven’t met someone who sees me apart from all of that since we were children. And it took you months to see me as your friend.”

As he spoke, he understood. He might never find someone like Adelaide again. And if she could see him now, maybe she could see him in spite of his link to the sorcerer. Drez was right. He wasn’t protecting her. He was hiding.

“If you mean all that, how can you walk away?”

“Fine.” Regulus nodded. “I’ll consider telling her.”

“And you’ll go to the dance?” Dresden crossed his arms, his gaze sharp, the hard slant of his mouth allowing no argument. “You owe me after that ordering stunt.”

Regulus winced.An opportunity to hold Adelaide in my arms?He sighed, losing the battle with both himself and Drez. “Yes.”

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