Page 57 of Staff of Nightfall

“Nolan, please...” In spite of herself, a sob tore from her throat and tears squeezed out of her eyes.

He knelt in front of her, his expression softening. “It doesn’t have to be like this.” He wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb. “Stop fighting me.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer.

The truth sank into Adelaide’s chest like a rock. She couldn’t fight him. Not right now. Not for long, anyway. She wanted to be strong, but she was exhausted. The collar drained her, leaving her weak. Weak, tired, and scared. She hadn’t recovered from Kirven’s torture yet. Nolan’s strength dwarfed hers, and even if she wounded him, he would heal. This wasn’t a fight she could win.

She wanted Mother. She wanted to be a little girl again, watching with fascination as Mother sewed a new dress for her in a Khastallander style and told her Khastallander fables. Back before she knew the extent of the world’s cruelty. When she climbed too high in the trees and cried and Mother crossed her arms and said if her brave little tigress, hershiraa, could get up, she could get down.

Nolan’s hand gripped her thigh as he forced her onto his lap. As numbness settled into her chest, she didn’t feel like a tigress. She didn’t feel brave. Mother had raised her to defend herself, and she couldn’t.Give me courage, she prayed.Give me strength.Protect me.Her mind raced, searching for a way to stop him. Suddenly, she remembered Regulus’ dagger, stuck in the back of Nolan’s belt. She needed to stall him. To distract him long enough to get ahold of the dagger. His hands roamed as he leaned toward her.

“Nolan.” Her voice came out in a croak. She cleared her throat. “Nolan, I...I’ll marry you.” He froze. “I just need—more time.” She gulped against the lump in her throat. “I’ll marry you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I’ve heard that before.”

“Please.” She blinked back a few stray tears and edged her hand toward his waist. “You’re right. I’m not ready. But I won’t... I won’t fight you. On, on our,” she exhaled slowly to steady her voice, even as the words killed a part of her soul, “on our wedding night. If you wait.” She met his eyes. “Please.”Please don’t let him notice,she prayed as her hand hovered near the back of his belt.

His eyes narrowed. “What about after our wedding night?”

“I’ll...” She licked her dry lips. She would have to lean toward him to reach the dagger. “I’ll be a dutiful...affectionate wife.” Cold clawed at her insides.

A slow, self-assured smile pulled at the corner of Nolan’s lips. “Swear it.”

“I promise.” Adelaide leaned forward as she reached around behind him. Her fingers brushed the hilt of the dagger. With a quick pull, she freed it from his belt and slashed toward the rope, her heart pounding. Nolan caught her wrist, stopping her before the blade met the rope. She looked from the dagger to his eyes, her moment of bravery spent. He watched her with eerie calm, his mouth drawn into a hard line. His hand clutched her wrist so hard she feared her bones would snap.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, his silence more unnerving than shouting. “I...I panicked. I’m sorry.”

He pulled her hand away and she dropped the dagger, hoping he wouldn’t break her wrist again. “Why, Adelaide? Why don’t you want me? Why do you continue to fight me?”

She shook her head, too tense to say anything. Nolan pushed her back onto the ground with force that hurt her shoulders. He grabbed the dagger and stood, still holding the rope. The sun had nearly set; dusk gathered around them. The first stars stared down from the darkening sky; cold, distant, and uncaring.

Nolan turned the dagger over in his hand. “I’m of two minds, Adelaide. Part of me wants to keep trying to be your knight, to show you I can be compassionate. To give you time to accept the inevitable.” He crouched and put the edge of the dagger to her throat, right above the collar. “The other part of me is done trying to win you over.”

You were trying?She tried to move her neck away from the blade, but his hand followed her. She lost her balance and fell back, propped up on her elbows. He crawled over her, the knife still pressed to her throat. The metal rested there, one faulty move away from opening a wound that, in her weakened state, she wouldn’t be able to heal. Her stomach twisted, threatening to push up the jerky.

“Nolan, please...”

“Do you have any idea how frustrating you are?” He released the rope to trace the top edge of her tunic. His fingers stopped at the ties of the bodice.

Adelaide curled her fists, her nails digging into her palms. Her breaths came in rapid, shallow gasps.Stop, please, make him stop.“I’m sor—”

“You’re maddening. I’ve had ladies throw themselves at me. I’ve had women beg menotto stop.” He tilted his head. “But the problem isn’t me, or even you. You want me, you just don’t realize it yet.” He leaned back, returned the dagger to his belt, and picked the rope back up.

Every muscle in her body was taut as a drawn bow as she watched him, hope a weak spark in her shuddering chest.

“When Hargreaves is dead, when he’s no longer confusing you, you’ll finally see me. When I’m the only thing between you and Kirven’s wrath, you’ll realize how generous I’ve been. You’ll come crawling. You’ll beg me to take you. And when you do...” Nolan leered and leaned closer, his voice teasing. He ran his fingertips down her spine, and she shivered. “You’ll wish you had given in sooner.”

Not likely.Adelaide bit back the retort, careful not to stir his anger again. She fought to keep her expression blank and not betray her disgust and terror. He seemed to have decided to stop, at least for the moment, and she wouldn’t risk antagonizing him into changing his mind.

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