Page 123 of Staff of Nightfall

“You defeated the sorcerer,” Regulus said tentatively. He rubbed her back. “And you saved the king’s life at the masque. He would have to be an idiot not to see that you hunting down the sorcerer was a good thing.” But a part of him worried, because in his opinion the king was an idiot.But surely not that much of an idiot.

“Is it wrong I’m relieved he’s dead?” Adelaide whispered.

“To be honest, I’m happy he’s gone.”

They didn’t say anything for several moments. Regulus wished he still had the ability to feel her emotions. He could ask her. But he didn’t know if she wanted to talk about it, or if she could even be honest. He didn’t want to pressure her. So he held her as exhaustion and relief pulled on his eyelids. He rested his head against hers and let his eyes close. But then he pictured Carrick straddling her.

“Ad?”

“Mm.”

“Are you...” He knew she wasn’t okay. And he didn’t want to ask outright if Carrick had kissed her again. Part of him didn’t want to know. But after last time...he didn’t want to overstep when he no longer sensed her fear. “Is this okay? Me?”

She shifted, burrowing closer. “What do you mean?”

Regulus worked down the lump in his throat. At least she had moved closer. That was a good sign. “I don’t want to... Carrick...” He bit his tongue. “Just... Tell me if I go too far?”

“Oh, Reg.” Adelaide’s voice cracked. She pulled away. The departure of her warmth left him hollow. Her deep, rich brown eyes were full of love and heartbreak.

He looked away. He had failed her; left her alone to mourn her father and almost caused her to become enslaved to the sorcerer and Carrick. He was supposed to protect her, and he had failed. Again.

“I’m sorry.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry you were hurt because of me. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep you from despairing—”

“Regulus Hargreaves, stop that.” He looked up in surprise at the hardness of her tone. “If anyone should apologize, it’s me.” She looked down at her hands and twiddled her thumbs. “You wouldn’t have been tortured if it wasn’t for me.”

“I—”

“But it wasn’t our fault,” she said softly. “And I would have given up without you. Any strength you see in me...it’s from you.”

Regulus couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped him. Adelaide looked up, her expression half offended and half confused. “And I was thinking my strength was all yours.” He smiled and reached for her cheek, then hesitated.

“I’m not afraid of your touch,piahre.” She laced her fingers behind his neck.

Regulus leaned forward, but didn’t meet her lips, giving her a chance to pull back. She moved closer and pressed her lips to his. He kissed her, matching her gentleness at first, but then grabbed her and pulled her close, holding nothing back. He poured all his love, his gratitude, all his passion into kissing her. She broke away. He opened his eyes to see her crying silently. A weight settled in his stomach and he released her, his heart heavy.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be. It’s not...” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “Would you really have served Kirven?”

Oh.“I won’t leave you alone.” He rubbed her shoulders. “I love you.”

She wiped at her tears. “But I failed—”

“No, you didn’t.” He stroked the top of her head as he tried to find the words to comfort her in the midst of his own aching heart. “And even if you did, I don’t love you because you won or lost. I love you because you’re kind and good and smart and independent and strong—”

“I wanted to surrender!” Her voice was thick with tears. “How is that good or strong?”

Regulus wanted to shout at her, to shake her until she understood, or kiss her until they both forgot her pain. He wanted to bring the sorcerer and Carrick back just to hurt them for what they had done to her. He wanted to slip into unconsciousness until the tension behind his forehead eased. Until the memory of Carrick’s torture and his fear as he watched Adelaide surrender faded.

He recalled Adelaide’s irritated rebuke as they made their way to retrieve the opal what seemed ages ago.We don’t always get what we want!He lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes.Give me wisdom, Etiros.

“There are many kinds of strength. Love isn’t weak. Surviving isn’t weak. Wanting to surrender doesn’t make you less worthy, it makes your final victory more impressive. You felt defeated, but you kept fighting anyway. You’re amazing, and I wish you believed that.” He stroked her messy hair. “I love you, Adelaide. More than you can know.”

“Thank you.” She looked more at peace, her face more relaxed. She touched the tips of her fingers to his arm where her mark had been. “I’m too weak now, but I’ll put it back—”

“I don’t need it.” He took her hand in his. “I know you love me. No one’s trying to kill us anymore. And I never want you in pain because of me again. But...” He grinned. “Estevan has been trying to talk me into getting a tattoo for years. I have a design in mind now.”

She laughed, and even though her laugh was weak and broken, it was real. And it told him she was going to be okay. They both were. “Maybe I can get one, too. The horror on my half-siblings’ faces would be priceless.”

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