Page 64 of Staff of Nightfall

“It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I lost, and... I was helpless. And then the collar...” She hugged his waist like she was holding on for her life. Her chest heaved. “When Nolan... I was afraid and weak. I’m not—brave.” She hiccupped and tucked her face into his shoulder.

Regulus rubbed her back, rage a fire in his veins.That... A slew of vile names for Carrick raced through his mind.

Adelaide turned her head to speak again. “He didn’t even... I’m all right, really.” Her hands clutched the back of his shirt. “He just scared me.”

“He’s a monster,” Regulus said through gritted teeth.

Adelaide shuddered. “I antagonized him. He...” She buried her face in his shirt, her voice muffled as she continued. “I prayed he would stop. Maybe that’s why he did. But I...I didn’t help matters. I was stupid. Reckless. Defiant. And now...when...when... I’m sorry.”

Every word she spoke ripped him apart, piece by piece. Her tears finally broke through, seeping into his shirt. She didn’t need to finish the thought. He sensed her regret, her fear, and he knew. Knew that when he had touched her, she had flashed back to Carrick touching her.

“Oh, Adelaide.” Regulus swallowed against the swelling in his throat. “No. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. He shouldn’t have laid a finger on you. His behavior is his. Do you hear me?” His chest shook with each jagged breath.

“It’s not your fault,” he continued. “Don’t blame yourself and don’t you dare feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. Nothing you did excuses his actions. And you’re not weak for being scared or upset.” He stroked her back as her breathing deepened, becoming more regular.

“And I’m not angry with you,” he added, sensing her dread. “I don’t blame you for shying away.I’msorry. I wouldn’t have...” His anger threatened to break into tears. “You have every right to not want to be touched.”

Adelaide didn’t respond, but her storm of emotions calmed.

“You did nothing wrong,” he whispered. “But I did. I never should have left you. I should have been there. I should have protected you.” His throat tightened so much he felt strangled. “I failed you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

After a moment, Adelaide mumbled into his shoulder, “It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not.” He took a deep breath, steadying himself against the growing ache behind his forehead. “I—”

“No.” She shifted, turning so her cheek laid on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, either.”

“But—”

“I did blame you.” Adelaide’s admission cut deeper than the sword that nearly killed him. “Briefly. I was alone, and scared, and...angry. But I realized it wasn’t your fault.” She drew in a long, shaky breath. “You said it yourself. Kirven’s actions, Carrick’s behavior,” her voice hitched, “it's theirs. Don’t take blame that isn’t yours.”

Her words released a chain Regulus hadn’t even realized he’d placed around his heart. He’d been blaming himself for the sorcerer’s actions for two years. How could he tell her she wasn’t responsible for other’s evil while blaming himself? She never blamed him. His men never blamed him. But he still blamed himself.

“Regulus.” Adelaide’s voice was soft, timid. “If it’s not my fault, it’s not yours, either. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

He exhaled slowly and rested his cheek on top of her head. “I know,” he murmured. “Still, I should have been there. I promise I will be in the future. No more splitting up.”

“Yes.” She linked her fingers behind his neck and snuggled closer. “No more splitting up.”

Her fear and hurt abated. He wanted to kiss her forehead but didn’t dare. Not yet. He would gladly give her all the time she needed. He wouldn’t so much as hold her hand if that’s what it took for her to overcome any lingering fear. So help him, he would not remind her of Carrick. Adelaide relaxed, and Regulus thanked Etiros that she trusted him enough to let him hold her.

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