Page 110 of A Thieving Curse

Reluctantly, she pulled him up. He moaned through clamped lips. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely leaving her lips.

“No, Raelyn.” Alex rested his forehead against hers. The intense warmth she’d grown accustomed to with him didn’t accompany his nearness. “I don’t blame you. Lucas wouldn’t, either.”

She blinked back tears that burned with guilt. Alex’s brother was gone because she had saved her own. But she couldn’t admit that aloud. “I should have made you leave right away.”

“I chose to stay with you,” he said gently. “And you didn’t shoot that arrow.”

They were quiet for several moments, her emotions too wrecked to speak. Anything she could think of to say was empty.I’m sorrywasn’t enough. Lucas had been his only friend for twelve years.He would be happy he broke your curseonly emphasized the tragedy. Instead, she rested her bound hands on his knee and kept her forehead pressed against his.

“I wish I could hold you.” Alex took deep breaths, and she could feel him trying not to fall apart. “I want to rant and try to pull free. But for the first time…I don’t have the energy to be angry. This hurts worse than losing my parents. I want—I want him back, Rae.” He sniffled, his body shaking with the burden of his grief. “I would give anything to have him back.” He spoke in a strained, quiet voice, sobs breaking through his words. “My freedom, my humanity… I want him back. I want my brother back.”

Raelyn bit her tongue. She didn’t know what to say, so she moved onto his lap and put her arms around his neck. She pulled him close and let him weep as she stroked his hair. With him leaning against her chest, she could see his wounds faintly in the moonlight. The amount of blood caked on his back made her heart pang. She stared at the top of his horn-free head and began to hum under her breath.

She didn’t know why the old lullaby came to her then, but it did. A song from her childhood, whose lyrics she had long forgotten, but the melody remained in her consciousness. Alex’s crying lessened, and he gradually relaxed as she hummed. When she stopped, they sat quietly.

“Does it hurt a lot?” she ventured.

He didn’t respond right away. “Less than my heart,” he said at last. “Mostly when I move.” He straightened to look at her. She heard the small cry he tried to keep behind his teeth. “Honestly? The blow to my pride is worse than my back.” His gaze lowered. “I can’t walk right, Rae. I can’t fly, and I can’t even walk straight. And I’m so cold.”

“Alex,” she breathed. “I’m sorry. You…you’ll learn to walk again.”

His eyes closed against more tears. “It’s too much at once. Too much to lose. I’m… I’m broken.”

“No.” Raelyn moved so she could cup his face in her hands. “You’re not broken. Your body will adjust and heal. And your heart will heal.” She rubbed her thumbs across his cheeks. “You’re strong. Lucas would tell you that, too.”

“If he were here,” Alex replied bitterly. “But he’s not. Why didn’t I fly away?” He trembled. “What if Meredith and Peter can’t forgive me?”

“Love is a choice, Alex.”

He turned his face away. “What if I can’t forgive myself?” he whispered.

Her heart shattered. “Lucas told you it wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it, though?”

Raelyn let her hands fall into her lap as she searched for words. “You said you don’t blame me. Then you can’t blame yourself. Either blame us both or blame neither of us. All right?”

He hesitated, then nodded. After a couple minutes, he said, “I forgot to thank you.”

“What for?”

“You saved my life. Repeatedly. You reasoned with Tristan and somehow convinced him not to kill the man who loves his betrothed and is a threat to his crown. I knew you were clever.” Alex smiled, though it faded quickly. “But promise me never to jump in front of a sword again.”

“I won’t.”I hope I won’t have cause to.She laid her hands on his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop him from hurting you.”

“I’ll heal.” He kissed her forehead. “How are your hands?”

“They smart whenever I move my fingers.” She shrugged. “But I’ll heal.”

He looked away. “Will you marry him? If they kill me?”

Raelyn sucked in a breath and clutched his shirt. “That won’t happen. I won’t let it.” She refused to even contemplate it. Because she knew the answer—if her father told her to marry Tristan for the good of Eynlae, she wouldn’t have a choice. “Don’t think like that,” she said, as much to herself as to him.

“He’s awful, Raelyn.”

“It’s going to be all right. We’re going to be fine.” She clutched his shirt. “Lucas didn’t die so you could be executed. So stop. Just…stop.” Her voice cracked.

“I’m sorry. You’re right.” He shifted and groaned. “Curse these ropes.”

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