I closed my eyes, letting my strangled emotions run free and clear.
“I won’t require a promise of monogamy from you,” Alonzo said quietly.
My eyes snapped open to stare at the red light high overhead. Stale heat blasted from the vents, but I was suddenly too hot. I turned to the guy who technically wasn’t out of his teens.
“Lonzo—”
“Our wedding vows, we’ll write them together,” he asserted, gripping the wheel tight and accelerating quickly when the light blinked to green. “I won’t use the words obedience or faithfulness. Something like devotion, consideration, or caring. I think we can manage those things, don’t you?”
The breakfast of egg whites flipped in my gut. While I was technically flirting with a shadow, it didn’t feel wrong. Actually, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. This thing with Alonzo was a business deal. I was lucky enough to consider him a friend, but nothing more. If I wanted him, truly wanted a future with him, maybe I would feel bad for what I did in the dark.
But if I was being honest, I was being unfaithful to my heart by knowing that I would have to make my spectre leave town.
That was the true betrayal.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted, folding and unfolding my hands.
“It’s the right thing.” Alonzo bobbed his chin. “Eight years down the road, I don’t want you held to a promise to be faithful if your eye wanders.”
Why would he bring this up? There was no way he knew my secret. I’d given no indication that my heart, mind, and body ached for another.
And then, it dawned on me.Hedidn’t want to be sworn to monogamy. It wasn’t just the generosity of his nature, it was something more that drove him to make the proposition.
“Fine,” I agreed. “But only if you promise to make yourself happy too.”
“Are we bad to mock the state of holy matrimony by agreeing to this?” he asked bitterly.
“I’m not sure even after the grand march down the aisle, the ceremony, and the lavish reception that I’ll see you as my husband,” I admitted. “You’re my friend. A union is just something we have to do.”
He sighed sadly. “I know you’ll never see me as the hero in your story. No matter what I do.”
“Lonzo,” I moaned. “You’re making this impossibly hard.”
“No, it’s really simple, Isabella. You need someone who can slay your enemies and put you on a throne. My father might hold the title, but the ruling position goes to you.” He tapped his finger on the steering wheel. “I’m not strong enough to carve your kingdom and help you hold it.”
An admission fell from my lips. “I never wanted to rule.”
“But you were born for it.” With that, Alonzo reached over, plucked my gloved fingers, and kissed the backs of my hand.
The sentimental comradery sent a rush through my heart. It beat pitter-patter, aching for what could never be, and yet overjoyed that there was companionship with this boy. Alonzo understood me. Didn’t that make me lucky in my mate? If I tried, I could see myself surviving through the future.
Survival mode was an exhausting place to exist.
I pulled my hand from him, suddenly overwhelmed.
“Gio was technically the next in line, if he’d been given the chance to earn the title,” I deflected, the words coming out of my mouth in a rush.
Alonzo squeezed my fingers before letting them go. “My father and his crony never saw Gio as the true threat, Isabella. They could mold him into whatever they wanted—hell, I think they’redoing it now. And if he didn’t cooperate, there are always ways to dispose of him.”
Truer words had never been spoken.
There was a bite to Alonzo’s voice. “But you? It’s why they’re so eager to control your life because they can never changeyou.”
“Well, they’re not here now, so how about we get some lunch? My treat. Whatever you like so long as it’s not a 200-calorie salad,” I chirped.
My fiancé grinned. It made his face look impossibly young.
As he took a turn toward a fast-food joint, I couldn’t help but feel extreme hatred for his family. They weren’t just controlling me, but him! He had dreams. He wanted to make choices. Since his hands were tied, he was trying to give me that.