Page 116 of The Things That Hold Us

I wake to the smell of something heavenly coming from the kitchen, and the sound of rain hitting my windows.

Rolling over, my hand hits the pillow, and I frown at the emptiness of it. But then my hand hits something crinkly.

A note.

I smile, and blink my eyes into focus.

You looked too beautiful to wake up, Charlie girl. Breakfast is ready, and there's coffee when you’re up.

I smile into my pillow, clutching the note to my heart.

I’m not sure how we got to this point, this closeness. It just kind of came naturally once I started to let him in.

I roll over, then see the note from Sam sitting on my nightstand, and guilt hits me like a truck all over again. I wonder if Logan saw it. But at the same time, I know he’s not the type to go through my things.

Grabbing Sam’s note, I read it over again, and can't help the tears that fall.

God I miss him. I miss him so much, every single day. And I know that isn't going to change, but somehow..Logan is helping me heal.

Maybe the guilt wouldn't be so bad if I was only attracted to Logan, and he wasn't as nice as he is.

But that's not the case; there’s a connection here that I can't let go of.

“Charlie?” I hear Logan say from the kitchen, then hear his footsteps coming towards me. I don’t bother trying to hide the fact that I’m crying, or try to hide Sam’s note. I just sit there, staring at the two notes, from the two men I care about the most.

“Are you awa..” he stops short when he sees me. “What's wrong?”

I sniffle, continuing to cry, but shake my head.

“I just miss him, and it’s so hard.” I whisper after a minute.

Logan sits down next to me, and pulls me into him.

“I know. What can I do?”

“Why do I have to like you?” I ask, but look up at him and smile so he knows I’m not being too serious.

I feel him chuckle, then sigh.

“Sometimes people come into your life when you aren't looking. I know I wasnt. But when I saw you in your antique shop..” he pauses, “you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. And I just had to know you.”

I blink tears away, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Why is this so hard for me? Shouldn't I be happy, and be able to move on? Shouldn't I be able to have you, and not feel guilty about it?”

I watch something in Logan's eyes shift, and what I see hurts my heart.

I can feel him slipping through my fingers, simply because I can’t put my past behind me, and let myself be happy.

I feel my heart start to beat faster, and look down at Sam’s note, then at Logan’s. Seeing their handwriting next to each just makes the pain worse.

“Logan..” I start to say, but he holds a hand up, stopping me.

“You don't have to say it.” he whispers, “I’m here Charlie. In whatever way you can give me. I’m here.”

I sniffle, and wipe at my face.

“I think..I think I just need some time to process and think about all of this.” A tear falls from my eye, and Logan wipes it away with his thumb, caressing my cheek as he goes.

I don't want to do this. I don't want him to leave. But I need time to process what’s going through my mind. I need time to think and figure this out without his presence here because I am complete putty in his hands.

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