Page 117 of The Things That Hold Us

Logan smiles softly, but I can see the pain in his eyes.

“I made you a promise that I won't leave you, and I meant that, Charlie girl. If time is something you need, I can give you that. I’ll be here when you're ready.”

He leans in and kisses my forehead, then he leaves; and I’m left feeling even more empty than before.

After I take a breath, I walk into the kitchen and see that he made pancakes and coffee, but I don't even feel like eating now.

There’s a new Logan shaped hole in my heart, and he hasn't even been gone for 20 minutes.

I lay back in my bed, just wanting to let myself be sad. I hold both of their notes in my hands.

I know Logan’s isn't much, and I know he doesn’t know this, but notes are my favorite.

Sam used to leave them lying around everywhere throughout the day.

I wipe at my face, take a deep breath, then crawl out of bed, making my way to my closet where I pull out an old shoe box.

As I lift the top, I see old faded papers.

Some have tears, some have coffee stains.

I pull one out.

You looked stunning today, Charlie girl.

A sob escapes me.

I pull another one out.

My soul is tired, but it is wholly yours, Charlie girl.

My hands shake as I go through the notes, and then I get to the bottom of the box.

There's one note left, and I know exactly which one it is.

Blowing out a shaky breath, I open it up.

The writing is harder to read. His hands were shaking badly that day.

Marry me, Charlie girl.

Another sob escapes me, and I curl into a ball on the floor with his notes in my lap.

I miss him. I know I couldn't keep him, and now he’s not in pain.

But dammit, it's unfair.

It’s unfair that he had to get cancer.

It’s unfair that he lost his battle to cancer.

It's unfair that Logan has been nothing but amazing, and I just keep pushing him away.

Finally, my crying slows enough; and I sit up and wipe my face.

I hear a knock at the door, then my phone dings.

Let me in. I have a package. -Cassie.

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