Page 37 of The Things That Hold Us

He watches me for a minute, and I think he’s about to leave, when he says. “Does your favorite flower always make you cry?”

I sniffle, “It’s just this night. There's a lot of…emotions that come with my birthday. I’m sorry.”

He turns away from me, facing the town below us, and is quiet for a minute, and I feel ridiculous.

Here is this man, that I know nothing about, that I invited to my birthday party, and now I’m crying in front of him. He’s going to think I’m crazy.

I wipe my eyes quickly, and blow a laugh quietly to myself. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t expect to come here tonight and have to comfort me, or see me cry. You came expecting a party.”

I turn and point to the wall around the corner, “There’s drinks, and tacos. And cake. We already cut that but there's a lot left. And there's dancing, somewhere, I’m sure..” I’m rambling again.

He smiles at me, and looks to where I’m pointing.

“That's nice.” he nods, then looks back at me, “but I came here to see you. I don't care if you cry in my arms all night, or get drunk and dance while laughing your ass off. I just wanted to see you.”

My eyes meet his, and he just smiles at me.

“Oh.” I say, suddenly very aware of how close we are standing. His arm is so close to mine that I can feel his body heat radiating off of him.

His eyes drop to my lips for the slightest second, then back up to my eyes.

Everything around me disappears.

Looking into his eyes, it’s like it’s just me and him.

No party.

No lights.

No noise.

Just us.

And I don't know how to feel about it.

My breathing is rapid, and I swear I can hear his breath pick up too.

He leans closer, still looking into my eyes.

“You’re beautiful, Charlie.” he whispers, his warm breath hitting my lips.

I think I whimper? I don't know, but a sound comes out of me and his eyes drop to my lips again.

I lick my lips, suddenly aware of how dry my mouth is. And for a second, I imagine what it would be like to kiss him. What his lips feel like. What it would feel like to have his hands in my hair.

I have to stop this.

I back away from him. Putting some distance between us. I don’t know what it is about his presence that just makes me lose all rational thoughts and restraint.

“I’m sorry.” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

“No, I’m sorry. I just…” he pauses, hanging his head between his shoulders.

When he looks back up at me, something in his expression softens.

“I’m drawn to you, Charlie. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I feel a pull of energy towards you and everytime it gets harder and harder to be near you without...” he trails off and looks back at my lips.

I know exactly what he means, because I’ve felt it too. But I’m not going to tell him that.

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