Page 7 of The Things That Hold Us

As I approach, Cassie spots me from across the bar and waves me down. I weasel my way through the crowded floor, over to her and Nathaniel, and take a seat at the bar with them.

“Oh my god. Charlie is in a bar. Quick, Nathaniel, take our picture. I need to remember this night.”

I shove her shoulder, “Shut up. I go out. Just not to bars.”

“Where, where do you go?” Nathaniel asks me.

“I…I go to work. And the store. And I went to that paint by numbers thing a few weeks ago with Cassie, remember?”

“Babe, that paint by numbers thing was over a month ago. You are a recluse, just admit it.” she teases.

“Ok, but what's so bad about that? I like being at home…for the most part.”

“Nothing is bad about it, we just wish you would socialize more.” Cassie says, then adds, “And maybe get laid here and there.”

My jaw drops in shock, and I shove her arm again. “Cassie! You did not just say that.”

She holds her hands up, and Nathaniel looks like he's having the time of his life.

“I’m just saying, I know if I went that long without getting some kind of release, I wouldn't be able to function.”

“Who says I’m not?” I ask, then order a glass of red wine when the bartender comes over.

Both of their eyes go wide at me.

“Are you?” they ask simultaneously.

I look back and forth between them. I could easily lie, and say yes, I have in fact slept with someone recently, but it's Cassie. She can smell my lies from a mile away.

“No.” I finally say, and watch as their excitement turns into disappointment.

“But I could, if I wanted to. Just know that.” and instinctively my mind goes to the hot guy from the shop.

They both fall silent, knowing they won't win this, just as the bartender brings my drink.

“Ok how about this.” Cassie starts again. “If a guy comes up to you tonight, will you at least try to have a conversation with him? It could help you, you know.”

I roll my eyes.

“Yes, Cass, I will talk to a guy for you.” I take a sip of my wine, “In fact, I had a guy come into the shop the other day, and I spoke to him easily.”

“Why didn't you tell me about this? How hot was he? Did you get a number?” Cassie says.

“Cass, you do know there's more to life than flirting with men, right? And no, I didn't. He was buying a present for his girlfriend.”

But let's be honest, even if that man was available, I wouldn't have done anything about it. I just can't bring myself to. Even if I do have the urge to climb him like a tree; I’m not ready to feel another man's hands on me.

I’m not ready for strange lips on mine.

It's still too soon.

Cassie reads my face, and stops talking.

“I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I just don't want you miserable and alone is all.”

“I know, it’s ok. And I promise if the opportunity presents itself, and I feel ready, I’ll act on it.”

She smiles, “That's all I’m asking.”

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