Page 81 of The Things That Hold Us

I just know I’m in for an earful when I get back.

Speaking of, we need to get back so I can figure out what I’m doing.

In my mind, and my heart, I already know what I want.

I want a fresh start, with a new town. It’s just figuring out the details ofhow.There's so much that goes into starting over, and I know it won't be an overnight thing, but I at least need to secure the building.

Logan comes out of the bathroom, in the same clothes from yesterday, but his hair is wet, and down, instead of up in a bun.

He notices me sitting on the bed, and smiles, his eyes drifting to my legs for a split second.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?” he asks me.

“I slept ok. How about you?”

He smiles again, gathering his things and putting them in his bag.

“I slept great.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I say, then add as I stand. “I’m going to go change, then we can get on the road.”

He nods, but doesnt say anything. He just starts putting his shoes on.

Why is he being weird?

I don't know. I’m not going to worry about it too much. If something is bothering him, I’m sure he’ll say something.

After I change and wash my face, we return the room key; grab breakfast from a bakery and then get on the road.

Logan has one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the dog tags around his neck.

He does that a lot; randomly touches them or fidgets with them.

Feeling bold, I ask, “What are they about? The dreams.”

He grips the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white under the pressure.

He doesn't answer for a while, and I don't push him. I know this is a sensitive topic for him, and can’t even begin to imagine what it was like witnessing the things he did. But, when he’s ready to talk, I’ll be here.

Finally, I hear him let out a breath, then say, “Usually..I see my men. Not the men that lived, though.” he pauses, takes another breath, and loosens his grip a little. Then he says, “Last night, I saw Matty. I saw him running towards me, already covered in blood, but not his own.” he stops, and I watch as he swallows.

“Next thing I know, there’s an explosion, and suddenly..Matty isn't Matty anymore. He’s just..gone.”

Before I can say anything, he looks over at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. It nearly breaks my heart in half.

“You talked me down.” he says.

“I did.”

“I’ve never..” he pauses, shaking his head like he’s not sure he should say what he’s about to say.

“I’ve never been able to calm down that fast. Usually, I need to take a walk, or splash cold water on my face.” he pauses, then adds, “But one touch..one touch from you, and all the pain and anger simmered away.”

My stomach floods with butterflies at his words. How is it possible that I’m the one to do that for him? Why me?

“Why?” I ask before I can even think it through.

I watch as his lip quirks up at the corner, then falls, as if he’s realized something.

---