Page 91 of The Things That Hold Us

I stare at the letter, not really taking in the words, just staring.

He wrote me a letter and hid it? But why?

It must have been before he went into the hospital, just before things took a turn.

I suck in a breath, preparing myself.

My dearest Charlie. girl

If you're reading this letter, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you. My body hasn't felt like my own these last few days, and I can just feel that my time is limited with you. I want to write a couple things down for you, so you don’t forget.

First, I love you. So much. Even now. Even though I can't hug you, or smell your sweet perfume anymore.

I love you more than you can imagine.

Second, please don't be sad. I know how much you love me, and how you've always told me you can't survive without me but, I promise, you can. You're strong.

Third, don't let the milk go bad. I know I’m always the one to catch it because, let's face it, the kitchen just isn't your area of expertise.

And finally..

Please pay attention to this one, because it's the most important.

You are too young and too beautiful for this world to miss out on you. Please don't spend the rest of your beautiful life in so much pain that you can't love again. I know you, and I know that's exactly what you will do; but I’m asking you not to, for me.

If a man comes along who is deserving of your heart, and will be good to you, please don't dismiss it because of me.

I love you, my sweet Charlie girl, and I’m sorry I couldn't stay longer.

I fold up the letter that now has tear stains on it, blow out a shaky breath, and wipe my eyes with the backs of my hand.

Sam. Of course my Sam would think to leave me a letter. Is this the only one? Did he hide more? I hate that this has been here and I didn’t know it, and I hate that he felt he had to write it, but I also love that he did.

It still doesn't help me feel less guilty about having feelings for someone who isn't him.

I slide the letter back into the envelope, and put it in my purse so I don't lose it. I think that's enough cleaning and going through things for today.

I take a hot shower, rinsing off soot and dust from my shop. I placed the letter on my nightstand next to my bed. I think having it there will help me feel closer to Sam; like he isn't completely gone.

After I dry off, I pull my bathrobe on and stare at my two outfits I laid out.

T-shirt and jeans, my go to.

Or brown pants, with a sage green knit tank top.

Logan has only ever seen me in jeans and a t-shirt, and usually not the nicest ones. Maybe I should switch it up tonight?

I toss on the brown pants, rolling them at the ankles, put a belt on, and then grab the top. It has buttons down the frontthat add just enough detail that I don't really need to add much to the outfit.

I add some loose curls, then take a claw clip and put half of it up, basically the only way I ever wear my hair.

Sliding on my flats, I check the time.

6:30.

He should be here soon. Why am I so nervous?

You can do this Charlie.

---