Page 123 of Daughter of No Worlds

Her words faded to the background. I made a noncommittal noise of acknowledgement.

Kira’s barefoot footsteps padded forward. “You know…I’m happy you’re home for a break,” she said, quietly. “Even if you aren’t.”

Before I could stop myself, I let out a violent scoff.A break.

“A break” really meant, “You’re clearly going to lose your mind at any moment and we certainly don’t want you here when you do it.”

“A break” meant, “You were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of Order soldiers, so go hide for a while, while we decide whether you’re a hero or a war criminal.”

But most of all, “a break” meant, “My name is Zeryth Fucking Aldris and I’m a power-hungry bastard who wants every other candidate for Arch Commandant as far away from the Towers as possible.”

Well, that was fine. He could have it. Suddenly it seemed so damn trivial.

“How does it feel to be a war hero?” Kira asked. “He’ll never say it, but even Brayan is impressed.”

There was a very recent time when even Brayan’s unspoken approval would have been worth more than gold to me. But now, like the title of Arch Commandant, it meant nothing. I wanted to tell her,“It feels like children’s bones snapping in my hands. What a thing to be proud of.”

{You should be glad that he’s finally recognizing what you are capable of.}

My heart stopped.

I ran my fingers over all of my mental walls and doors. None of them felt as solid as they once were. Nothing ever seems quite the same in there after a Valtain gets in and starts moving things around — and even beyond that, my head had become a messier and more confusing place than ever in this past week.

“I need to be alone,” I snapped, and I didn't look up to see whatever pitying look Kira might have given me before I heard her pick up her glass box and back out of my room.

I stood. Closed the door. Locked it. Then crossed the bedroom and jammed myself into a corner, resting my forehead at the apex of two walls.

{You are angry,}Reshaye observed.

Of course I’m angry.I tried to grab hold of that mental door, replace it, but it was suddenly impossible to find.

{You are angry at me.}

You killed thousands of people.

Thousands. The scale of it still made my hands go numb. And, save for a too-small handful of people, the world thoughtIdid that.

{I made us war heroes.}Its unnerving, childlike confusion rippled across my temples.

Us?I spat a scoff aloud.There is no us.

A spiral of hurt clenched around my mind — so genuine and pure that it threw me slightly off balance.

{Of course there is an us.}

Ascended, how I hated it.Hatedit. From the depths of that hate, my mental walls began to take shape. There it was. And if I could coax it back, swing the door closed —

There is no us. You did that yourself.

Distract it. And then…

A sharp impact reverberated through the back of my skull. Like an abruptly-caught heavy door, stopped mid movement. Then all of the hairs on my body stood upright at the sensation of fingernails dragged across metal.

{I gave you everything that you desired. I gave you the power that you so desperately wanted to fulfill your ambitions.}

I did not want that. That was— that was horrible. I didn’t want that to happen.

{You can not lie to me.}

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