Page 14 of Daughter of No Worlds

The puzzle pieces began to assemble in my mind. I realized what he was doing. Whatwewere doing.

I caught Serel’s wrist, my fingernails digging into his skin. “This is dangerous. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Of course I should. We are going to fix this.” He offered me a smile that, despite the blood on my back and the body at our feet, managed to be so effortless, so genuine. It boggled me. Then he looked me up and down. “Your clothes. You need something else. If you stay here, I’ll go to your room—”

I looked down at myself, realizing that I was practically naked. The shredded silk of my dress barely held together. Blood ran all the way down the backs of my legs.

“I have some jackets here. In his closet.”

What I didn’t say:Please please please don’t leave me here with him.

Serel nodded. He went to the closet and selected a coat that would be long enough to conceal most of my body, and, hopefully, thick and dark enough to hide the blood.

Esmaris had kept my clothes in his office, alongside his own. Another strange intimacy. I barely held off the urge to vomit again.

Serel stood behind me, coat in hand. For a moment he surveyed me in silence. “I’m going to have to bandage your back, Tisaanah. And then I’ll put this on you.” The pained, apologetic tone of his voice said that he knew exactly the scale of what he was asking of me.

Oh, gods.

Just the movement of putting my arms behind me knocked the breath from my lungs, made my vision go white. And that was just moving, just slightly — never mind sliding that stiff fabric over whatever was left of my skin. Never mind pullingbandagesaround it.

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.I never ever uttered those words, but all that damned fabric almost broke me.

“Just do it,” I muttered instead, bracing myself against the edge of Esmaris’s desk.

“Sorry,” Serel’s whisper was punctuated by the tearing of fabric.

And then, pain.

It took everything I had in me not to scream. My knees buckled, but I clung to the stability of that desk as Serel wound his makeshift bandages around my torso.

Ara,I reminded myself.The Orders. Freedom. You will do this. You have no choice.

The agony was so intense that I almost didn’t hear Serel when he told me, what felt like ages later, to straighten. I swayed as I extended my arms so he could slide the stiff fabric of the jacket over my skin.

I was going to vomit. I was going to collapse. I was certain I would do at least one of those things, or both.

By some miracle, I didn’t.

“You did it,” Serel whispered, at last. “You did it.”

If I could do that, I could do anything.

I still thought I might faint, but I forced myself to focus on standing straight. My eyes fell on the coins, still piled on Esmaris’s desk. “We’ll need some of those,” I said, hoarsely.

At least they wouldn’t go to waste.

Serel complied, grabbing a couple of handfuls of gold and putting it in my silk bag. Then he knelt down at Esmaris’s body and unfastened the brooch at his lapel: a silver lily, his sigil.

“Smart,” I wheezed, swaying. That pin served as Esmaris’s blessing in his absence. He would give it to slaves or servants to represent his approval when they needed increased access.

Serel shot me a concerned glance. “You alright?”

“Yes.” Maybe I could will it into truth.

“Just a little longer.” He straightened, but for a moment he didn’t move, staring down at Esmaris’s body.

“Serel—”

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