Page 60 of Daughter of No Worlds

I shook my head.

I had been excellent at the role I played at Esmaris’s estate, and it wasn’t because I was the most beautiful girl or the most talented or the best dancer. It was because, every single time I turned my attention to a man, I asked,What does he want?

“Is more complicated and more simple than that,” I said. “Always.”

The man I whored myself to didn’t want sex. Not really. He wanted to feel powerful. Specifically, more powerful than Esmaris. And once I figured that out, he was butter in my hands.Oh no, I couldn’t, he would be so upset, he would never allow it.And that price went up and up and up.

“Once she starts slaughtering people in the streets, I don’t care what she wants. I don’t care that she’s a child. It doesn’t make those people any less dead.”

I thought of the fear that ripped through the air when I looked at the man on the steps.

“I felt suchfear,yesterday, when I looked at that man,” I said. “Then, I thought it belonged to him. And some probably did. But…” I thought of the little girl watching her father die. Watching his death at the hands of someone she likely called an uncle. “Perhaps it was hers.”

Max paused at this only for a moment. “People do all kinds of terrible things out of fear. It doesn’t change anything. I know far too well what that kind of behavior leads to.”

He was no longer looking at my butterflies. Instead, his gaze turned only to me.

I met it. “And your family—”

“— were war casualties.”

He said it with a finality that I knew I couldn’t challenge, and I didn’t want to even if I could. He could keep his secrets a little longer. I knew how painful it could be to even acknowledge such memories, let alone force them to scald their way up your throat.

“We all have sad stories,” I murmured, and Max simply nodded.

The ensuing silence was so heavy that it stifled my breath. I continued making butterflies, and long, wordless minutes passed.

After some time, I shivered. “I am cold,” I announced, grateful for any excuse to break the tension, and pushed my way to the shore. The unrelenting warmth of the air was actually a relief at this point, lifting the water on my skin to steam.

I didn’t even think to be self-conscious until I turned around to see Max standing completely still in the water. He looked like he wasn’t even breathing, his searing gaze hurling an arrow through my chest — the intensity of it paralyzing me.

What?, I wanted to ask, but the force of his stare was so strong that the question died before it left my lips.

“I hope that whoever did that to you died a terrible, painful death,” he said at last, words hissing like steam. “And I hope that if there is an underworld, they suffer there forever.”

Warmth rose to my face.

My scars. I had managed to forget about them — at least for a few hours.

Did I hope the same? I wasn’t always sure.He would have killed you, a voice whispered to me. But every time I thought of Esmaris, I thought more about the way his life felt draining from his body than the frenzied fury in his eyes as he beat me.

“We all have our sad stories,” I said, content to leave my throat unscalded, and pulled my jacket over my shoulders.

* * *

That night,I sat in front of the fireplace, looking over my notes from our lessons with my legs crossed in front of me. Max slumped in one of the armchairs, a book in his hands and a pair of reading glasses perched over his nose.

It was an oddly peaceful moment, to the extent that any moment was peaceful, in my head — my head that was always reaching for the next thing, always thinking of Threll and Serel and my family. None of that was gone, but some of it disappeared in the crackling of the fire — in the chuckle that I had released as Max grumbled to himself while lighting it with a snap of his fingers,Just like fucking Ara, the inside of an oven all day and then damn freezing at night.

I raised my gaze from my books and watched the flickering firelight shudder over his features, imbuing the thoughtful lines of his face with intermittent flames.

“Max.”

Nothing moved but his eyes, which flicked to me. “Hm?”

“What is it thatyouwant? In life.”

Only a very brief pause, and then he muttered, “Mostly, I just want everyone to leave me alone.”

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