Page 37 of Children of Fallen Gods

Instead of answering, I asked, “Why did you join the military?”

Moth’s round eyes grew rounder. “I told you, it was just that the other teacher wasn’t good, and—”

“No. Moth, I—” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’m not asking so I can scold you. I’m asking so I can find out the answer.”

He stared at me warily.

“Truly,” I said. “From my heart of hearts.”

“I didn’tlie. It was all true. Helene wasn’t a very good teacher, not like Sammerin. And there was a lot, I mean alot, of money, and you know that my father—”

“If your father needed money, we could have found another solution for that.”

His eyes were downcast. “It wasn’t just that. It’s just… You and Sammerin and Tisaanah were out therekilling slavers!And I was just doing lessons that didn’t help withanything. So when they put out the call for recruits, I thought…” He shrugged. “This is how I can actually help with something instead of—”

“Moth, you’re twelve Ascended-damned years—”

“I’mthirteen.”

I threw up my hands. “Oh, well that just changes everything.”

“You and Sammerin were both twelve whenyoujoined,” he shot back.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. “That’s different.”

“Why? Because I’m not as good at Wielding as you were? I can get better. Ihavebeen getting better, I practice all the time. I haven’t even broken anything since you left for Threll. So I can be just as good as you.” His brow was knitted, hands balled up against the edges of his bowl. “I’ll work three times as hard. But I want to be just as good.”

I closed my eyes. A memory from long ago unfurled in the darkness. My brother, then seventeen, shoving a sword into my hands when I was ten years old. Or did I pick it up myself, after watching him wield it?

I drew in a breath and let it out slowly through my teeth. “Your value and skill as a Wielder has nothing to do with how much time you spend on a battlefield.”

“But—”

“Sammerin and I spent the better part of a decade trying to undo everything that the Ryvenai War did to us. Do you understand that?”

“But Max—”

I raised a finger. “Donot,” I said, “interrupt me.Listen. I had you moved to this division so that you could be my assistant. And when we arrive at Antedale, you will stay at the camp and mind all of the very important logistics to be minded, miles away from the fighting. Do you understand?”

A wrinkle deepened between Moth’s eyebrows. “But—”

“Do you understand, Moth?”

A long silence. He looked deep in thought. “So I won’t be helping,” he said, at last.

“Sometimes the best possible thing you can be is useless,” I said. And that was the end of that.

Chapter Twelve

Tisaanah

Idreamed of a memory. I dreamed of Esmaris.

I was fifteen years old, lounging in one of Esmaris’s many velvet-adorned salon rooms. Two other women were there, too, more of his slaves — by the end, I was his favorite, but that was not true just yet. They were older than me, and two of the most stunningly beautiful women I’d ever seen. They draped themselves over Esmaris and his general, both of whom treated them as mildly irritating scenery. Still, they knew their roles, and I knew mine. They were the open arms, and I was still the curiosity — the Fragmented girl with strange skin and strange eyes, who could make such beautiful butterflies.

Esmaris and the general were talking business. I floated about the room with my little performances, but kept one ear turned to their conversation. I was young, but I already understood the value in collecting scraps from conversations no one knew I heard.

Today, Esmaris was displeased.

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