Page 156 of Mother of Death and Dawn

I had been dreading this conversation.

Max rolled off of me and straightened his trousers as we both shifted fully onto the bed.

“It is a waste of time to put those back on,” I said.

“Don’t try to distract me with your wiles.”

“My wiles?”

Wy-uls.It was a little exciting to find a new Aran word after so long.

“You told me to fucking leave.”

I bit my lip and looked away. I didn’t have anything to say for myself. With one finger, he steered my chin back to him. “It was luck that I decided to come back, you know that? Pure luck.”

“Why did you?”

The corners of his mouth tightened. “Because I realized that, even though I didn’t remember you, Iknewyou. That sort of thing was bigger than a few memories.” He shook his head, looking slightly embarrassed. “It sounds ridiculous, but it’s the best way I can describe it.”

“It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all.”

His words, clumsy as they were, touched me deeper than I could express. I meant it—it was not ridiculous. Once I’d thought that love was the sum of its parts, the result of a collection of traits and experiences, like a structure steadily built from bricks layered over bricks. If you collect enough of them, there is love. But that had been a child’s view of the world. The bricks were important, but what they created was more than just a pile of stones. It was the difference between a house and a home. If the building burns down, something is still there that makes it home.

If the memories are gone, something is still there that makes it love.

“Are you glad you came back?” I asked, quietly.

Max glanced pointedly at my naked body and said, “Yes,” as if it was a very stupid question.

“No jokes. You know what I am asking.”

Was it worth it?

Was I worth remembering?

His face softened. His fingertips traced the curve of my cheek. “You want the truth? The memories are hard, yes. But none of that scared me as much as the prospect of exactly how close I came to never seeing you again.That’swhat fucking terrifies me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice rougher than I intended. “I just… your past held so many horrible things. Most people never get the opportunity for a second chance without it. I thought that if anyone deserved that freedom, it would be you. I thought you wouldwantthat.”

“I was still the result of all those things, even if there was a wall keeping me from them. I would have had to confront them sooner or later.”

He was trying very hard to sound blasé about it, but I knew him well enough to see that it was ever-so-slightly forced.

“I’m glad that you were with me when I did,” he said. “Even though you were infuriatingly determined to make that not be the case.”

“I was—”

“You were trying to do what’s right. I know, you insufferable, stubborn creature.” He gripped my chin, his eyes searching my face. “Listen,” he said, after a long pause. “I’m not much for words, so I’ll only say this once. If you ever have to guess what I want, or what is best for me,it is you. Alright? I have made that decision already. I do not make it lightly. Don’t disrespect that by claiming that you know better for me than I do. I have made bad decisions before. But you are not, never have been, and never will be one of them. It isalwaysyou.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. If I opened my mouth, I was certain that whatever sounds would come out would be pathetically weepy.

Perhaps a stranger might have looked at my life and seen a series of misfortunes. But here, in this moment, I could not imagine being more blessed—more gluttonous—with luck.

I didn’t have any other response but to kiss him. The kiss quickly deepened, until I found myself half draped over him on the bed, my bare breasts pressed to his chest. Desire stirred in my core, simmering but never satisfied from our earlier tryst. The night was young. We had our whole lives, and almost certainly an early death, to sleep.

“I need verbal confirmation of your understanding, Vytezic,” Max murmured between kisses.

“I understand, captain.”

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