Page 22 of Mother of Death and Dawn

He was telling me that he was going to leave my lover in prison, and was forbidding me from getting him out myself because he thought I—I,who had sacrificedeverything, sacrificed far too much—was a gods-damned liability.

I jolted to my feet, yanking my hand away from Serel’s grasp.

“I won’t leave him there. I agreed to help you. I agreed to start going on missions here. But I have always made it clear from the beginning that Iwill not leave him there.”

“I know, Tisaanah—” Serel started, but I cut him off.

“Did you know that he was the only one who helped me get you out? Theonly one? None of us would be here now if it wasn’t for him. Every single one of us owes him our lives.”

“It wasn’t the decision we wanted to make,” said Filias, a little gruffly.

I took in several long breaths, struggling to control my emotions.

I turned to Sammerin. “Do you understand this?” I asked, in Aran.

He gave a small nod, and something about the look on his face made me feel as if the floor had opened beneath me.

“You already knew,” I murmured.

He winced. “I tried to talk them out of it.”

I have one excellent friend who’s far better than I deserve,Max had told me, once.And if Sammerin were ever in that position, I would never allow him to stay there.

The sound that escaped my lips was a strangled, sad excuse for a laugh. “He would have died before he let you remain in that place. And now you are giving up on him, too? You’re hisbrother.”

Sammerin looked as if I had struck him. “Never, Tisaanah. Never.”

“I don’t like it, either,” Filias said. “I really don’t. But we have all lost people. We have all left people behind. And we can’t lose more of them just to get one back. We just… we just can’t.”

Serel half-rose, reaching for me. “I’m so sorry, Tisaanah.”

My eyes fell to those gods-damned raspberries.

Now I understood.We’re so very sorry, Tisaanah. Here, have some raspberries.

In that moment, I hated—trulyhated—every single one of them.

“I need to be alone,” I said. “Please.”

They didn’t argue with me. I didn’t see whatever pitying looks they might have given me as they left. The minute they were gone, I picked up the bowl of raspberries and hurled it against the table. The clay shattered just as my composure did. The berries were overripe. They hit the wood in a crimson smear, spattering my face like blood.

CHAPTERSEVEN

AEFE

Ihated walking through Ela’Dar. Perhaps to some it was a pleasing place. The city consisted of intricate copper structures and lush greenery, punctuated with windows of multi-colored glass and inhabited by elegant Fey clad in flowing silks. But I noted these things only in passing. All I saw was how its people looked at me.

Caduan drew attention wherever he went. He rarely dressed differently than the people he ruled, and usually did not wear a crown. Nevertheless, everyone knew him, greeted him, and bowed their heads. And then, inevitably, their gaze would fall to me. I did not know how to read those stares, and I hated that most of all. Was it disgust? Curiosity? Hatred? Perhaps it didn’t matter. I did not want to be looked at. I did not want to be seen.

Today, thankfully, Caduan did not take me through the main streets of the city. Instead, we walked behind the castle, taking rocky side paths that led through lush forests of deep green. All of Ela’Dar, despite its considerable size and density, was intertwined with nature—the northern half of the city built into the cliffs of the mountainside, and the southern half embracing the woods. The castle sat between them, overlooking both the mountains and the forest.

We walked through the trees in silence until we reached a small stone building. Inside, there was a sand floor, and large windows, and weapons—swords, axes, spears—lining the walls.

I stopped short. Caduan kept walking.

“What is this?”

“It’s a training ring. The guards use it at times, but today, no one else will be here.”

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