Page 227 of Mother of Death and Dawn

“Either. First of all, it was a ludicrous fraud that combined the two titles to begin with. Arch Commandants have historically done a terrible job of just ruling the Orders, let alone running a whole Ascended-damned country.”

Agreed.

“But even then, even if the titles were split again, I don’t think I’d keep the title of Arch Commandant, either.” He scoffed. “If my twenty-year-old self could hear me say that, he’d fucking kill me.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” His brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I don’t believe in it.”

“Perhaps you could make the Orders something worth admiring again.”

“Me? No. You though? You could.”

He said this so earnestly, so simply, that it knocked me a little off kilter.

I swallowed past a sudden lump in my throat.

“Max,” I said. “There’s something that I want to—”

BANG!

The door flew open hard enough to slam against the wall. My hand was already closing around the hilt of my sword as I turned.

Brayan stood in the doorway, every inch of his body tensed. A piece of parchment was crumpled in a fist in one hand.

“You fuckingliedto me.”

CHAPTERNINETY

AEFE

Caduan was gone for hours. It was strange how difficult it had gotten for me to be without him, especially now, with something inside of me unmoored. I went to my room and sat alone, feeling like I had when I first opened my eyes in this empty body—trapped with nothing but the sound of Nura’s voice telling me that I did not know how to do anything but destroy.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew I shouldn’t—I knew he would not want me to. But I crept upstairs to Caduan’s chambers. I had spent enough time there recently that no one gave me a second glance. He demanded privacy, so once I slipped through the main door, there were few guards or servants to worry about. I moved through the halls until I reached Caduan’s bedchamber, which I peered into. The room was empty, the covers on the bed crumpled as they had been this morning.

Even without Caduan, I felt better here—less alone, comforted by even the ghost of his presence. If I drew in a deep breath, I could smell him, the crispness of the forest mingling with the warmth of candle flames.

I wandered through his room, debating crawling into the bed to let him find me when he returned. I paused at the bureau, which was open, a drawer half-ajar. Where I might have expected to see clothing or undergarments, instead it was filled with small bottles, nearly half of which were empty. As I approached, I felt the air waver—like something radiated from them in a sense beneath all the others, reminding me of the way I had felt when we fought at Niraja.

I frowned and reached out for them.

A suddenwhooshof air behind me pulled me away. I realized that Caduan was here—I’d simply missed him. He sat out on the balcony, at a small table set with a board, his back to me.

And Ishqa had just landed before him.

In several long, silent strides, I crossed the room and pressed my back to the doorframe. My blade was out, and I was ready to strike if I needed to. I half expected Caduan to already be making a move of his own. But instead, he simply gestured to the empty chair across from him.

“Sit. Join me for a game.”

I could barely see Ishqa, only a sliver of his profile. A wry smile flitted across his mouth. “I am out of practice.”

“So am I. I have no good opponents. Meajqa is terrible. You failed in that part of his education.”

“I failed Meajqa in many ways.” Ishqa sat, and I scooted further behind the doorframe so he wouldn’t see me.

You should kill him,a voice whispered in the back of my mind.He is not expecting you. He should die. Make sure your face is the last thing he sees.

But I didn’t move.

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