Page 230 of Mother of Death and Dawn

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I thoughtI would feel release of some kind, once it was done. Thought I would feel satisfied, or triumphant, or relieved. Thought his blood would fill the hole within me.

But instead, numbness strangled the emotions that built and built beneath my skin with nowhere to go. The hole gaped as wide and painful as ever.

I had thought my life would begin once Ishqa was dead.

Instead, my life was the same.

CHAPTERNINETY-ONE

MAX

You fucking lied to me.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I’d only ever lied to Brayan once, and it was the kind of lie that devoured everything else.

Brayan stepped into the room and closed the door, hard. I half expected it to crack the walls.

“You were there,” he breathed. “You were there the day that it happened.”

I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t ready. The topic always hit me like a sudden strike, the kind that knocked all the wind out of me.

So I did nothing but stand there as he thrust the crumpled papers into my hands.

Numbly, I unfolded them. They were discharge records from the Orders. Many soldiers had been sent home in the time immediately after Sarlazai, mostly due to injuries, so the paper was packed with many, many rows of names and locations.

Still, I easily found mine, right there in the middle of the page.Maxantarius Farlione. Temporary discharge. Korvius.

I just stared at it.

The Orders had spun me such a perfect, intricate cover story. But it was the fucking bureaucracy, this stupid slip of paper buried in the archives, that destroyed it all. It was almost fucking funny.

“Max,” Brayan snapped. “What is this?”

“I—”

I could say it was a mistake. I could say that I lied to the Orders about my destination because I was going to go party in Meriata. I could say that I left before the attack happened.

I could tell so many lies.

But I had been cursed with a face that painted every thought that crossed my mind for the world to see, and all those fake explanations sat rancid, unspoken, at the back of my throat.

“I want the truth,” Brayan demanded.

And I—being so, so stupid—said, “You don’t. It won’t help.”

I’d never seen Brayan like this. I’d seen him angry, but this was like his body ceased to function, overwhelmed by rage. “I swear to the fucking Ascended, Max,I need the truth.”

If I’d been able to look at anything but him, I might have acknowledged Tisaanah edging closer to me, shaking her head. But my lips were already opening.

This is a mistake, Max. Big mistake. Nothing good will come out of this.

“Reshaye,” I choked out. “Reshaye was more than you know.”

Brayan seemed confused. “Reshaye? You mean, the power that the Orders gave you. The… eyes.”

“No. More than that. It was… sentient.”

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