Page 39 of Mother of Death and Dawn

Hello, lost child,it seemed to whisper.

I shuddered.

An expression I could not decipher flickered across Caduan’s face. He looked around the room as if he was realizing all over again where we were. “You shouldn’t be here,” he said again. “I was working.”

“Working?”

He lifted his gaze to me, and I recoiled from it.

“Stop.”

“What?”

Looking at me that way.

He straightened, limbs carefully rearranging.

“I’m done,” he said. “Come. Walk back with me.”

He took two steps closer, but he was wobbling on his feet.

“Something is wrong with you,” I said, sharply. I did not know why it bothered me so much.

“Just tired. I promise.” Then he held out his arm. “Walk with me.”

* * *

Up close,even in the night, Caduan’s green eyes seemed so eerily bright—like there was some light inside of him that crept out through his irises. Or perhaps they appeared that way because the darkness around them was now so pronounced.

I remembered little from my former life. But in this moment, I remembered feeling stripped bare beneath a stare just like this one.

I pulled my hand away from those thoughts. It was easier not to remember.

I did not think that Caduan would be able to walk, but he did, though he moved slowly and steadied himself against trees with every few steps.

For a long time, we walked in silence. It was a strange game. We both watched each other so closely, and pretended not to.

“You were creating… things,” I said, at last. “For the war.”

“Shades. Yes.”

“Because of what Luia said to you today?”

Caduan’s lips thinned. “Because we needed more forces to send to Ara, and I would rather sacrifice shades that feel nothing than Fey.”

“The man we saw today,” I said. “The Aran queen has done that to many others.”

His gaze darkened. “I know.”

“It is notjust her. So many of them are like that. They are terrible.”

“I know.”

I knew it because I had been one of them. Hundreds of years and I became nothing but pain and want and a gaping hole—a desire for love, for power, for safety, a hunger that never ended. Now the wound they had left inside of me consumed everything.

The words ground through my clenched teeth before I realized I was speaking.

“And yet you left me there.”

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