Page 132 of Mother of Death and Dawn

I forced myself upright. Sammerin’s expressions were always subtle, but I could see the concern in this one as stark as if it had been painted across his forehead.

“Is this the right thing?” I said. “I trust you, not that I even really understand why. Do you think it’s actually for the best, if I go?”

Sammerin was silent for a long moment.

“Yes,” he said, at last. “I don’t think it’s a perfect thing, but I think it’s the right thing. And in times like this, perhaps that’s the most we can hope for.”

* * *

When I saidgoodbye to Tisaanah, the others moved away. She and I stood face-to-face in silence as they fell back into the woods, finding sudden overwhelming interest in the flora and fauna just out of earshot.

A breeze rustled the trees, and the scent of citrus washed over me, and it was almost all over right there and then.

I shouldn’t have stopped her that night in the pub. I wished I had gotten the opportunity to know all of her, even just once.

Before I could stop myself, my hand reached for hers and enveloped her fingers in mine. Her eyes met mine, spearing me straight through my soul.

“One word,” I said, my voice rough. “One word and I stay.”

Even if it was the selfish thing, like Brayan had said. Even if it put her further at risk. I wanted any stupid, self-indulgent excuse to stay.

I asked for one word, and she gave it to me.

“Go,” she said, softly.

Fuck, I didn’t expect that to hurt the way that it did.

“It was a gift, Max,” she murmured. “A gift to have known you. I hope that you have the most incredible, happy life. I hope you find a future worth forgetting your past. Make it worth it. Find joy. Do you understand?”

In this moment, nothing seemed worth this. I was going to argue with her, but then her hands gripped either side of my face, and our mouths crashed together. The kiss devoured our unspoken words. My arms wrapped around her like the shape of her body was already a homeland I knew by heart.

We parted too soon.

“I love you,” she murmured.

I didn’t like that. Those words sounded like a goodbye.

“Ask me to stay, Tisaanah,” I rasped.

But she pulled away too abruptly for me to stop her, the air between us suddenly cold and empty. She didn’t say another word. Didn’t even look back at me again. I watched her walk down the path to Ishqa and Sammerin.

I could not shake the sensation that I had done this before—stood still and watched her leave. I imagined her walking up white stairs, pausing at a set of silver double doors. I imagined desperately praying that she wouldn’t open them.

This is a mistake. You can still do something. You can still go with them.

“Max.” Brayan nodded down the path in the opposite direction. “We have to move.”

You can still change your mind.

I turned away.

CHAPTERFORTY-FIVE

AEFE

The human knelt before Caduan’s throne, his head lowered. He seemed highly out of place in this room, the jewel of Ela’Dar’s palace—vast and stately, with walls of glass and a copper-cradled ceiling many stories high. Unlike most guests who bowed here, this man was not swathed in silks and furs but in dirty, torn rags of many contrasting styles, as if each piece had been stolen off a different corpse. His hands and ankles were bound, though this did not seem to bother him.

“I am certain, your majesty.”

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