Page 21 of Mother of Death and Dawn

I had personally gone to Ilyzath many times at first, desperate to find a way to penetrate its walls. But after one horrible failure that ended with Serel fishing my limp body out of the sea, I agreed that we would send teams of soldiers there instead, freeing me to do work for the rebellion that only I could do.

Even that… I didn’t like it, even if I knew they were right.

“The eleventh group just returned to Orasiev,” Serel said.

My heart leapt, even though I knew—Iknew, from Serel’s expression, that it was not good news.

“And?”

Sammerin reconnected another nerve. I barely felt it.

Serel’s face was grim. He shook his head.

“Jaklin Atrivas died last night,” Filias said. “The Ilyzath guards killed him, and the rest of the team couldn’t save him.”

My heart crashed to the floor.

I knew Jaklin. He was one of our best warriors, and a good leader. He’d been critical to the successful takeover of Orasiev. He had two young children.

I closed my eyes and saw Melina’s lifeless body.

“What a loss,” I murmured. “Give his family anything they need. Food. Money. Give them—give them a pension. I’ll find a way to pay for it personally.”

Serel and Filias exchanged another glance. Filias’s face was hard, and Serel’s eyes big and gentle.

“They have never managed to make it past the outer walls, Tisaanah,” Filias said. “Not once.”

“I have managed to make it through,” I said. “I can go with them again next—”

“We have only made it this far in the rebellion because of you. Don’t think we don’t know that.” Serel gave me a weak smile. “There are so many things that only you can do. You’re our greatest advantage.”

“I can’t keep throwing away good people and good soldiers on an impossible mission,” Filias said. “Not now, when we need them more than ever to defend the rebellion. I’m sorry, Tisaanah. I’m—” He looked so deeply uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”

I flinched—as if I’d been struck by a devastating blow.

Do not lose control. Do not fall apart. Look forward.

“I understand,” I said, tightly. “Then I’ll go alone, again. By myself. No one to risk but me.”

“That’s a death wish. You barely even have—” Serel stopped himself before saying it:You barely even have magic.“You can’t survive that.”

“I’ve done it before.”

He reached out and took my hand before I could pull it away. “I thought we lost you the last time, Tisaanah,” he murmured. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Serel looked at me with such unending love. And yet, in this moment, I resented him for it.

I don’t care,I wanted to say.I’d rather die trying to save him than stop.

“I’m willing to take the risk.”

Filias and Serel exchanged another look—gods, I wished they would stop doing that.

“This is bigger than you,” Filias said. “You know so much. If Nura captured you—”

The anger—the sheerrage—hit me like a wave.

He thought I was a liability.

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