Page 288 of Mother of Death and Dawn

The seed of the idea came to me just seconds ago. But seconds were all it took for my mind to race through the possibilities, the roots already embedding in my heart.

Despite myself, I started to smile.

“How hard do you think it would be, Councilor,” I said, “to create something new? Something that did fulfill that promise?”

CHAPTERONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE

MAX

The weeks passed slowly and yet still too damned fast, a haze of effort and exhaustion and confusion and… fragile, young dreams.

I had never minded throwing myself into work. It distracted me from the aches and pains that still plagued me, and distracted me from the worst of the emotions that lingered under the surface, complicated feelings that I knew I’d have to grapple with sooner or later. I wasn’t alone in that, at least. I knew all of Ara was waiting for their moment to weep, but at least we would do it in the secure embrace of a better world. I was determined to make that true.

I was totally certain that disbanding the Orders was the right thing to do. But it introduced a mind-boggling number of logistical challenges, the most pressing of which was: if there’s no Orders, then there’s no Arch Commandant, and if there’s no Arch Commandant, who the hell is going to rule this country?

This was a difficult question to answer. The simplest solution would be to revert back to Sesri’s bloodline, but after Zeryth’s war most of her heirs had been killed, leaving us in the dangerous territory of having multiple second-cousins-twice-removed with some distant claim to the throne. Tisaanah was working with the Alliance to structure various potential forms of representative government, though they were still early in planning stages. Such a system seemed perfect for the Alliance—all the benefits of one unified nation, coupled with the independence of their original homelands—but I couldn’t see that kind of thing working well for Ara.

In between cleanup efforts, I spent days locked up in rooms with the council and crown advisors hashing this out over and over again, to no avail.

Finally, I was approached by a visitor—someone I never thought I would see again. Tare, Sesri’s Valtain advisor, had seemingly disappeared after Zeryth’s death. That is, until now, when he showed up at the Palace steps and requested to meet with me. I was so curious that I had to accept.

He was late to our meeting, and when he finally arrived, he entered the room so quietly that I didn’t realize he was there until he was practically breathing down my throat.

“Ascended fucking above, Tare.” I barely managed to catch the book I almost dropped, then set it down on the table. “Announce yourself next time.”

“People often say that to me.”

“I’m not at all surprised by that.”

He gave me a weak smile, and just stood there, silent.

“I always liked you,” he said. “Back in those days, in the Orders. I never told you that.”

“I… thank you.”

Personally, I always thought Tare was a bit odd. I was reminded of that now, as he spent too long awkwardly wandering about the room, saying nothing.

At last, he sat down—right on the edge of the seat, as if he was ready to fly away if he had to.

“I want to tell you something important.” He cleared his throat, and I realized that he was actually nervous. “Sesri was nothing like what they said she was. They were manipulating her—Zeryth and Nura.” A wince shuddered over his face. “Through me. Because I allowed them to. But she… she was a child. A frightened child.”

I nodded, slowly, swallowing a pang of guilt. Yes, many people had failed Ara’s young queen. Zeryth and Nura had been manipulating her to bring themselves closer to the throne, and we’d all fallen into their trap.

I remembered the day that Sesri had ordered a man killed in the Capital square—the first day Tisaanah had seen the city. Afterwards, Tisaanah had said that she felt overwhelming fear from Sesri. Not malice. Not anger. Fear.

I had been all too willing to dismiss Sesri as a power-hungry brat then. All the while she was being used as a puppet, her worst fears exploited by the Orders to orchestrate her downfall.

“She was so young,” Tare murmured. “Just a little girl. All she wanted was someone to trust. And she trusted me.” A small, sad smile, as he touched his chest. “Only me. The world had hurt her, you see. She needed someone.”

He was silent for an uncomfortably long moment, watching me.

“She deserved better,” I said, at last, because I wasn’t sure what else to say.

I wasn’t expecting it at all when his response was, “I didn’t kill her.”

I questioned whether I’d heard him correctly. “You— what?”

“Zeryth told me to do it, but I couldn’t. She was like… a sister. I had betrayed her. But I— I love her. And she is a good person, no matter what the Orders made her do. She had started resisting Zeryth’s guidance. She wanted peace, while he was pushing her for war. That was why he wanted me to do it.” His eyes were distant, as if he was lost in the memory. “I faked her death. Sent her out of the country instead.”

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