Page 2 of Now and Again

‘Tell me about it. I don’t even know what currency Canadian’s use.’

‘Ummm… The Canadian Dollar, I think,’ Juliet told her, happy to finally sound like a functioning adult, rather than the desperate idiot of a moment ago.

‘Well, at least that’s one thing off the checklist,’ Helen said, checking her watch. ‘Oh shit, I better get on that Skype call.’ She started to walk backwards out of the room. ‘You’re the tops, Juliet. Whoever gets you in their home after me is insanely lucky.’ She vanished through the doorway as she attempted to organise her family’s emigration to another continent in the space of a week.

Juliet went into the living room to find the kids sitting in front of the TV. ‘OK, guys, that’s enough telly.’

Max and Lily both responded, ‘Awwwww!’ But Juliet didn’t cave. ‘Come on, we’re all heading out to the park.’

The kids couldn’t have cared less about the TV now. ‘The one with the ice cream?’ Max, three and a half, asked as both kids jumped off the couch.

‘That’s the one.’

‘Can we get some?’ Lily, eight, was quick to follow up.

‘I don’t know, do they have any broccoli flavoured ice cream?’ Juliet said, handing the kids their shoes.

Lily rolled her eyes, grinning. ‘You always make that joke.’

Juliet smiled. It was hard to do. She wouldn’t be making that joke with the kids soon. Worse was how quickly she’d fade from their memories. They would be sad at first, but then they’d move on, learn to love a new nanny. It killed her to feel so suddenly replaceable. Juliet wondered if anyone had told her about how it would feel when you leave a family, whether she would have chosen a different job. She supposed things would have changed when Max hit four in six months, anyway. He’d be going to school. Juliet had been hoping to move into a part-time thing, doing the drop off in the morning and pick up for Max in the afternoon like she already did with Lily, hanging out with them until dinner time. She could have survived on the pay. As long as it didn’t mean anything had to change. But change was coming anyway, the bastard that it was.

At the playpark, the kids went hard. After forty-five minutes, they were red-faced from all the sliding and swinging and climbing. They cooled themselves down with some well-earned cones at the café, and Juliet was pleased to see them content. But eventually, the slurping stopped, and Lily asked, ‘What’s Canada like?’

Juliet forced a smile. ‘It’s lovely, from what I hear.’

‘Mum says we’re going to live there,’ Lily told her.

‘Yes, I know,’ Juliet nodded. ‘Are you excited?’

‘She says we can get an even bigger house than here. She said we’d have a pool,’ Lily told her. ‘A whole pool to ourselves!’

‘That sounds lovely,’ Juliet said, putting a brave face on.

‘Yeah, so don’t forget to bring your swimming costume,’ Lily warned her seriously. ‘Because otherwise, you won’t be able to swim with us.’

Juliet was taken by surprise. ‘Your mum didn’t tell you…’

The kids looked at her with interest. ‘Tell us what?’ Lily asked.

Oh no. Helen was probably drip-feeding them the changes to try and lessen the impact. She’d clearly not gotten to the Juliet-less part. Juliet decided to take the chance that Helen wouldn’t mind her taking this job off her plate. It felt right for her to tell them herself, anyway. ‘Guys. The thing is… Canada is going to be brilliant. You’re going to see so many new things and have so much fun. But… I won’t be able to come with you.’

The kids’ eyes popped. ‘What? Why?’ Max demanded.

‘Because… you’re going to a new part of the world, and they don’t let you take people with you; there are all sorts of visa issues...’ The kids looked blankly at her. ‘Well, anyway, I live here, in Medford. So I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to come.’

Max burst into tears, and Juliet went to him immediately, holding him in her arms. He grabbed on like a little monkey. Juliet let him cry into her chest. She looked to see how Lily was taking it. She was sitting quietly, a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. ‘It’s not fair,’ she muttered darkly, her half-eaten ice cream melting in her hand.

Juliet didn’t know what to say because she agreed. Life wasn’t fair. She’d been happy with these kids. She wished she could go back in time and stand underneath the roof that Helen’s drunk predecessor had fallen off and pushed a bouncy castle into his path. Then she wouldn’t have to disappoint Max and Lily. Everything could just go on as it had been: steady, simple, familiar.

‘Look, we can Skype, and sometimes you’ll come back to visit, and we can see each other again. I’m not just going to vanish,’ she assured the kids.They’d had enough of that with their dad.She didn’t want them to think that was what people did—upped and left out of the blue, even if it was sort of true.

The day managed to get worse a few minutes later as they were leaving the park in solemn silence. ‘Oh my god, is that Juliet from school?’ said a voice. It was unpleasant, mean. Juliet knew before she turned around that it was India Kent. Juliet hadn’t seen her in years, not since school. She hadn’t exactly left a hole in Juliet’s world. She was still the same fake-tanned, label-obsessed arsehole, it was plain to see.

India was with several nameless henchwomen that Juliet might have gone to school with, or maybe not. They were too coiffed to allow Juliet to recognise the people underneath. Juliet kept walking, the kids holding her hands.

‘Jesus, look at that. Two kidsalready. She must have started popping them out as soon as school finished,’ India brayed loudly in that absurdly posh voice of hers.

Juliet couldn’t help herself. She turned to India. ‘These aren’t my kids if you must know. I’m their nanny.’

---