Page 60 of You Spin Me Round

‘Oh, nothing. I just can’t love anyone, that’s all.’ The words were out before Alex even knew she would say them.

‘Is that true?’ her mother said unsteadily.

Alex considered backtracking. But what was the point? ‘Yes.’

Her mother didn’t say anything for the longest moment, and Alex thought she was probably crying. But then she spoke, and there was no wobble in her tone at all. ‘Alex, that’s bollocks,’ she said with iron certainty.

‘What makes you so sure?’ Alex asked, taken aback.

‘Because you loveme.’

Annoyingly, that was true. ‘That’s different, though,’ Alex pointed out.

‘It’snot, actually,’ her mother said passionately. ‘When you put the sex stuff aside, loving a parent or a child or spouse isn’t all that different. It contains all the same feelings. So I know you can love. The same as your father can.’

‘Yes, well, that’s great. Because he’s a piece of shit, isn’t he?’

‘Yes, Alex, OK? Do you want me to admit that? He is. But guess what? You’re not.’

‘Thanks, Mother, but…’

‘No! You’re not listening. I know you’re a very focused person, and you go after what you want. But that’s OK because you’re still there for me, no matter what’s going on in your career. IknowI can rely on you. I never had that with him. So don’t tell me you’re like him because I willneveragree.’

Alex was shocked. Her mother always stood up for her dad, and Alex thought that meant she couldn’t see his flaws. Which Alex also thought meant she couldn’t seeanyone’sflaws. But she saw his and Alex’s, and she thought they were different.

‘Mother, I have to go,’ Alex said quickly.

‘Oh, by the way, I got those flowers you sent yesterday. Verythoughtful.’

‘Mother, I have to go!’ Alex almost screamed.

She put the phone down at sixes and sevens. She went back to doing what she’d been doing before she’d called her mother and had an existential crisis, which was playing the Selma Haynes thing on her phone on repeat. One particular segment, actually. It was the worst bit or the best, depending on your perspective.

‘She never liked me to have separate friends. My friends could only be her friends,’ Erin said.

‘And how did she do that?’ Selma Haynes asked, her head cocked in concern.

‘Every time I mentioned a friend, she’d talk badly about them. Until I didn’t want to mention them. And then it was, “You’re going out withthem? You need to be back at this time, and I want you to text me every hour.”

‘And how did you feel about that?’ Selma asked.

‘I didn’t like it,’ Erin said, swallowing. ‘But she assured me it was for my safety. She kept saying there were plenty of people who would like to get to her through me.’

‘So you did it?’ Selma asked.

‘Yes. But one time, I forgot to text, and the time got away from me. I was twenty minutes late, I think. I went to the bar to get a round, and my card was cancelled.’

‘She was able to cancel your card?’ Selma asked, shocked.

‘She told me it would be easier to have everything joint because she made more than I did, and she wanted me to have anything I wanted. So if I wanted something I couldn’t afford, I could still have it. Seemed like a sweet gesture at the time, so I said yes.’

‘Until you didn’t do what she wanted.’

Erin nodded grimly. ‘Exactly.’

‘And what happened next? With your friends? Did they ask about what happened with your money?’

‘I lied and said it was a banking error. I don’t know if they bought that, but it didn’t matter because I stopped seeing them anyway. It seemed easier not to create another situation where Isabelle could humiliate me.’

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