She had to know. Had to know what she’d been missing.
Exactly how she’d hurt him.
After removing the rubber band holding the letters together, she shuffled through them, reading the dates. One letter each day for over a month. A large lump caught in her throat. Her breath swirled around her face as she held the last letter Damon had ever sent her.
Tucking the rest of the pile under one knee, she opened the envelope. The paper made only a small ripping noise as it tore, but in her ears the sound was amplified.
Her hands trembled as she removed the single piece of paper, and pain filled her heart at the sight of Damon’s familiar handwriting. She paused. For a moment she almost released the paper into the wind. It would be so much easier not to know.
But she had to.
Hands still trembling, she unfolded the letter and slowly read the scrawled words.
Dear Tiffany,
I have so much to say, but little time to say it as I start to search for Mark’s killer. I doubt you will even read this letter, since there’s been no response to the others I’ve sent for the lastmonth. But I have to write this in the hopes that maybe someday you’ll open this envelope.
No matter how much you may hate me, no matter how much you may wish me dead, you will always hold a place in this cold heart of mine. I never intended to care for you, but I do. We both know I do, and for that I have no regrets.
Losing Mark, and now you, has driven me to the brink of insanity, and the pain is more than I think I can bear. You know how difficult it is for me to admit this to you, but I’m not okay.
I can never be okay.
Nothing I can say or do will ever express to you how sorry I am. I’ll bear the guilt of what I’ve done for the rest of my life.
This isn’t something I can just get off my chest, and as much of a relief as it would be for all the pain of what’s happened to be taken away, I don’t deserve any relief. It’s the one thing I have left of you. I wish there were something I could confess to you that would turn this around, something that would make this better. I wish I knew the perfect lie.
Tiff, I’m begging you.
Tell me what it is you want to hear and I’ll make sure you hear it. I’d say and do anything to have you back in my life again. I’ve got no family to fall back on, and my heart is so rooted in our friendship that even if I did, it would never be enough without you in my life.
It’s amazing how we got this far, how a one-line letter could turn into these feelings I have for you. Maybe it’s meant to be this way, because Lord knows I don’t deserve a woman like you in my life.
We both know what three words I want to say. It’s always been on the tip of my pen, waiting for me to write it. But I’m too much of a coward.
You know how I feel, and if I could just say it to you in person just one time...I could die knowing I’d had something meaningful in my life.
Yours always,
B
With still shaking hands, Tiffany attempted to refold the letter, but it was no use. Tears blurred her vision and spilled over onto the paper. She trembled at the thought of what she had to do.
He has to know.
Damon sat straight upin bed, heart racing as he gasped for air in the aftermath of the dream. His pulse beat in a heated rhythm, and he clutched the sheets in his hands. His eyes darted around the room. Tiffany. Where was Tiffany?
He launched himself from the bed and threw on his jeans. Rushing into the living room, he spotted a hunched-over figure on the fire escape. He ran back into the bedroom and threw on his shirt and boots before he strode to the living room window.
In his dream, Tiffany had changed her mind and decided that shedidblame him for Mark’s death. She’d said she’d been wrong to forgive him.
He wrenched open the window and climbed onto the fire escape. A blowing northern wind hit his arms like hundreds of small needles pricking his skin. Damn, it was cold outside. Tiffany was sitting on the top step, completely still.
“Tiff?” he said.
When she didn’t respond, he walked up behind her. His heart stopped as he saw what she held in her hands. His letters. He brought his hand to his mouth and lightly bit his thumb so astring of profanities wouldn’t fall from his lips. One letter lay open on her lap, and it was the letter, his final letter.
The letter that told her he loved her.