Page 29 of Deceit & Desire

I sucked in a shaking breath and pressed my hand against my aching heart. “Baby, please, don’t do this?—”

Zoe shook her head, her lips pressed into a hard, grim line before she spoke. “I’m a big girl, and I’ve been handling my own problems for the last ten years. I’d rather not face the sheriff and his re-opened investigation alone, but I will if you make me. It’s your call, though. You can either give me the truth about Missy, or I’ll break your heart, mine, and my father’s all in one go.”

I reached out and wrapped my hand around hers, gently curling her fingers into a fist so she couldn’t take my ring off her finger. “What if the truth destroys us, Zoe? What then?”

Zoe adjusted her legs, shifting from a crouch to kneeling in front of me, her knees pressed against the dusty toes of my boots. “Hiding the truth from me will destroy us a hell of a lot faster than telling me the truth ever could, Roman. Give me some fucking credit, will you? I’m woman enough to face ugly truths with the man I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with, but only if you’re man enough to give me that chance in the first place.”

I leaned forward, still holding her hand in mine, and rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes as I sucked in a breath and braced myself for the worst. My chest hollowed out, filling with a sick, yawning emptiness that left me cold.

How the hell do you brace yourself for the possibility of losing the only thing in the world you’ve ever really wanted?

“I never fucked Missy, Zo.” I forced myself to open my eyes and meet her gaze. “I asked her to pretend to date me the summer you left because you kept pushing me away every time I got too close, and I wanted to make you jealous. It was fucking stupid, at best, and it was selfish.”

Zoe’s face turned scarlet, and she narrowed her eyes at me. “What the fuck were you even?—”

I held up a hand, cutting her off. “Please, baby, let me finish. When I kissed Missy the day she died, I never thought it would destroy your friendship forever?—”

Zoe barked out a bitter, hollow laugh, shaking her head. “What, exactly, did you think was going to happen when you kissed my best friend in front of me?”

I crossed my arms and raised one eyebrow at her. “Are you going to let me finish explaining or not?”

Zoe rolled her eyes and held up her hands in the universal sign of surrender. “Okay, fine. I’ll shut up until you’re done. Please continue.”

Might as well rip off the band-aid all in one go, I guess.Here goes nothing.

“I was a twenty-year-old idiot and too much of a coward to just come out and tell you I loved you. I was sick and tired of you pushing me away every time shit got too real for you. I did what I did because I knew you were leaving, and I was crazy about you. I wanted to push your buttons to see if I could get an honest reaction out of you about me... about us.”

“And just look how that turned out.” Zoe snorted, shaking her head.

I winced and looked away. “I never imagined—not even for a second—that me fake dating Missy would end up with you losing your best friend, Michael losing his little sister, and worst of all, Missy losing her life.”

Zoe stared down at our still-clasped hands with a frown. “That entire two months that you and Missy were supposedly dating... that was all a lie intended to make me jealous?”

“Yes.” I nodded, sure with every bone in my body that she was going to leave me for being such a complete and total idiot... not that I would blame her if she did.

Zoe stared at me like I’d sprouted two extra heads. “No offense, but I have a hard time believing that Missy—my best friend in the entire world—agreed to go along with lying to me like that just so you could make me jealous. You two were never that close before the summer she died.”

I grimaced and reached up, rubbing the back of my neck, trying to massage away the knot of tension that had formed there since I admitted the truth. “I thought it was a little strange, too, if we’re being honest. I even went to her two weeks into our little act and told her how bad I felt about using her like that, and that I thought we should stop.”

Zoe sat back and tugged her hand free from my grip. “If you weren’t sleeping with her and you told her two weeks into your goofy-ass scheme that you thought you should stop pretending to date, why were you two still supposedly together a month and a half later?”

I tipped my head back, resting it against the front door, and heaved a sigh. “Missy said that she was using me, too, so I shouldn’t feel bad because we were even.”

“Did she say what she was using you for?”

“No.”

“And you didn’t think to ask?” Zoe narrowed her eyes at me, everything about her sharp and on high alert.

I looked up at the ceiling, unable to stand holding her unwavering gaze. “I was so desperate to push you into admitting what you really felt that I didn’t press the issue with Missy. I just thanked my lucky stars that she considered us even and kept on trying to get you riled enough to be honest with me before you left.”

“Roman, you realize what this means, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” I swallowed hard and forced myself to look Zoe in the eye. “I’m the reason Missy’s dead, and I’ve had to carry that guilt and shame around with me all day, every day, for the last ten years.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Roman.” Zoe shook her head, her green eyes wide enough I could almost see the epiphany she seemed to be having in that moment.

“Yeah? How do you figure that?”

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