Page 7 of Deceit & Desire

Fuck. Even when he’s being petty and punishing me for the way I’ve treated him, I don’t deserve a man like Roman York.

Scalding hot tears spilled down my cheeks unchecked, and I sucked in a shaking breath.

“Look me in the eye, baby.” Roman’s husky rumble sent a shiver down my spine.

I shook my head, my tears falling harder and faster despite my eyes being squeezed shut. “How can I look you in the eye right now, knowing everything I’ve done and everything I’ve said? How can I possibly look you in the eye when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’d really go to prison to protect me despite all the ways I hurt you before I left Blackwell?”

Roman took my left hand in both of his. “I wasn’t asking, Zoe. I was telling you… look me in the eye when you give me your answer.”

My heart pounded so hard that all I could hear was my own heartbeat roaring in my ears. After a moment that felt as if it might stretch on into forever, I forced my eyes open and met Roman’s unwavering gaze. My heartbeat turned erratic.

It would be so easy to get lost in Roman if I let myself. I can see that much by the bottomless depths that lurk in that piercing gaze of his.

I shuddered, every instinct in me screaming that I should run far and fast, before either of us had the chance to do irreparable damage to the other. “What if I don’t deserve your protection, Roman? What if?—”

“I didn’t ask you if you feel like you deserve the protection I’m willing to offer you. Deserving it has nothing to do with it. I just asked you to look me in the eye when you make your choice about whether or not you’re willing to accept what I’m willing to give you. That’s all.” His deep, husky voice was so carefully neutral it made my chest ache.

I gritted my teeth and squeezed his hand, wishing like hell he didn’t want me to look him in the eye while I answered him. Still, I conceded, giving him my gaze and my full attention.

“Yes. I’ll wear your ring, Roman, but make no mistake, this ring means I’ll accept your protection. It means I’ll help you stand up to David Michaelson. It means I’ll help you prove we didn’t kill Missy, but that’s all it means... nothing else.”

I can’t afford anything more than that, and neither can you.

Roman laughed, shaking his head with a wry grin. “I’d never expect you to accept anything beyond my protection. I know you well enough to know better.”

Sighing, I squeezed my eyes shut and tipped my head back, resting it against the truck’s headrest as Roman slid that beautiful, cold ring onto my ring finger. I could have done without him twisting the knife of truth in my gut quite so hard, though.

He’s never understood that I’m trying to protect him just as much as he’s always protected me. I know I don’t deserve a man like Roman. I never have, and I never will.

“Come on. Let’s go see how your dad is doing today.” Roman’s voice was soft and edged in regret, which told me he was reading me like an open book. I’ve always hated how easily he could see the things I worked so hard to hide from everyone.

We both clambered out of the truck, and Roman ambled around the front of it, pausing at my side for just a moment. As he started toward the hospital’s front entrance, I reached out and grabbed his sleeve, giving it an insistent tug as dread rooted me to the spot where I was standing beside the truck.

“What is it?” Roman frowned, covering my hand with his big, rough, callused one and gently stroking my knuckles with his thumb.

My lip trembled and my throat got impossibly tight, so tight I struggled to swallow the lump that had formed there. “I... I know I told you I want my answers from dad’s doctors, but... I just... I need to know how much I should steel myself before we walk in there.”

Roman’s expression softened, then, and pulled me into a hug, giving me a tight, reassuring squeeze. “I won’t lie to you, sweetheart. Your dad’s condition isn’t pretty. It’s not like he’s on a ventilator or anything like that, but... it doesn’t look good.”

My legs went spongy and my knees turned to jelly as the weight of Roman’s implication crashed down on me. I sank against his chest, choking back a sob.

Roman’s arms tightened around me, holding me up and stroking soothing circles over my back while I pulled myself together.

I shuddered, shoving the fears that tried to rear their ugly heads down deep, deep enough inside me I could pretend they didn’t exist at all. “I just need a second to reel myself in. I know Daddy wouldn’t want me going in there as a sobbing, snot-nosed, senseless wreck.”

“You don’t aways have to be strong, you know,” Roman said, his voice a soft, velvet rumble against my ear.

Roman stroked my hair, and it felt so good it nearly shattered the cold, hard sense of control I was using to shove all my fears and feelings down into a deep, dark oblivion. I clung to that sense of control like a woman on the edge of a cliff, holding onto it for dear life. I squared my shoulders and took a step back out of his embrace.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Roman. I’m an only child. I have to be everything, all the time, because if I don’t, no one else will. I don’t have a sibling who can be the strong, level-headed one.”

“You have cousins, though. They could help.”

“He’s not their dad, he’s mine. As much as I love my cousins, the responsibility of being the strong one and caring for Daddy falls on me.”

“Us.” Roman reached across the distance I’d put between us and tapped the engagement ring on my finger. “It falls on us. You don’t have to shoulder this burden alone. I’m handling everything at the ranch already. I don’t mind helping you handle this, too.”

I gripped Roman’s hand, then, giving it a squeeze and hoping it conveyed my genuine gratitude. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for Daddy and for Twisted Creek Ranch in my absence.”

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