Page 159 of Sumanika

He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes.“I want to talk to you, too,” I added, and he sucked on his lips and opened his eyes to look at me.

"Yes?" He asked. The pain was visible in his voice. It did something to my stomach, prompted me to step closer and say.“Kunwarsa, I am sorry. I did not know what was happening to me—“

"It's okay," He cut me off, looking down.

I tried again,“I am so sorry. I did not want to hurt you. I mean, I should—“

“I said it’s okay,” he said, looking at me. I couldn’t stop kneeling before him, reaching for his hands. "Kunwarsa,"

But he pulled his hand back. It tightened my chest.

His gaze suddenly sharpened at me.“We cannot do this. It's over; go back to your room,” He said coldly, standing up.

My heart pierced, my voice breaking apart.“I did not know what happened after seeing Princess Rashmika wit—“

“It's okay,” he cut me off,“I understand. And I am not the one you want.”

"I want you," I stated, and he turned to look at me.

"I do not want you," he replied.

My heart sank deeper. It broke me.

“But why?” I asked.“I know I made a mistake. I am apologizing, Kunwarsa,” I explained.

"Honestly, I don’t want to hurt you or myself, knowingly or unknowingly. Just forget about me and everything I said. Go back to your old life and act as if nothing ever happened between us,” he clarified. I broke down in tears, moving closer to him.

"I know. I made a mistake. I should not say all of that to you. I should have listened to you, and I should not have behaved like that. But I was scared and—“

"Listen," He cut me off and looked sharply into my eyes. "I am not angry, but I cannot do this now. It is not about you anymore. It's about me now. I have nothing left in me I give you. I cannot give you anything. So, go back to your room and stop doing anything for me. I do not want to make it hard for you," his words pierced my chest.

I adjoined my hands,“I am sorry. I know I made a mistake. I did not want to hurt you,” I pleaded.

He shook his head.“You are not getting me, Suman. It's not about you anymore. It's about me. I cannot give you anything. It was not your mistake; you only said what you perceived of me. And I know it's my mistake; you only called me something I was, I am, and I always will be. So, do not make it more difficult for you. I am not the one,” His voice was calmer than ever.

"You are; I am sorry," I broke into cries.

He smiled, shaking his head.“You are just being emotional. Give yourself time, and you will know I am not the one,”

He sat on the edge of his bed, and I couldn’t stop kneeling before him.“Please, I am so sorry. I did not know what I was doing. It's just I was hur-”

"I am a man whore, Suman," he broke us, raising his voice, all of a sudden. I was stunned.

“I am still the same person who hugged Rashmika. And yes, I hugged her in front of everyone. I am still that same person—the cheater, flirt, and manwhore, with whom you can never spend your life. Don’t make it difficult for yourself. It’s a‘No’from me. There’s no love now. You made your decision, and I accepted it. Now, I am deciding for myself; accept that,” he said, and I broke down in tears before him.

“I did not know. I do not know; please forgive me, please,” I begged.

And after a few moments, he silently placed his hand on my head and kissed it.

“There is nothing to forgive, Suman. It's just I cannot do this anymore. I do not want to be myself anymore. I have nothing left to give you. Please understand and leave.” He drawled, holding my hand to help me stand up.

I didn’t know how to make him understand I wanted him. I just got scared, feeling like he might hurt me. It was wrong to focus on myself at that moment. How did I tell him and understand him that this wasn’t what I meant?

It wasn’t what I wanted. I was angry. I didn’t understand why I directed all my frustration at him.

I stood frozen, crying and watching him as he walked away and lay down on his bed, covering himself with a comforter, and closed his eyes.

I did not know what to do.

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